


Arsonist's Lullaby

by Alostboi101



Series: SM's spy organisation [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: AU, Also Crack, Angst, Blood, Fire, Getting Together, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Missions, Polyamory, Romance, Second Chances, Slow Burn, Trauma, Violence, death but no main characters, gang/mafia associations, injuries, its gay, nct spy au, prison time, secret agent AU, sm is a spy organisation, spy AU, spy organisation, traumatised/problematic/healing characters, yuta centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2021-01-10
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:47:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 24
Words: 29,012
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23754100
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alostboi101/pseuds/Alostboi101
Summary: “What do you want?”“The question is, what do you want, Yuta?”Yuta held back the urge to ask how the man knew his name, of course he would. There was something official, something deadly about the man. His cold eyes bore into Yuta’s soul and Yuta gulped.“I want to get out of here, I want another chance” Yuta couldn’t help but tell the man the truth, he couldn’t lie to those eyes because they would know. The man stared directly into his soul and read every secret within seconds of laying his eyes on Yuta.“It’s your lucky day then, I’m here to give you a second chance”.Yuta gets involved with the wrong people, doing wrong things and he knows this. But given the chance he would change it.But when it lands him in prison, after losing everything, he doesn't expect the second chance to come right to him.He takes it without hesitation, knowing he would do almost anything to get out of his situation.
Relationships: Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul | Ten/Suh Youngho | Johnny, Dong Si Cheng | WinWin/Nakamoto Yuta, Jung Yoonoh | Jaehyun/Lee Taeyong, Kim Dongyoung | Doyoung/Nakamoto Yuta
Series: SM's spy organisation [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1711156
Comments: 9
Kudos: 103





	1. Chapter 1

Introduction/character profiles

SM is a secretive, independent organization partially funded by the government.   
They carry out seemingly impossible missions to protect their people and country that the government or military cannot do.   
These range from monitoring or spying on a target, rescue missions or discretely taking out a threat.   
Since the fall of the original team, EXO, SM has been gathering people from various backgrounds and situations to form the new team. 127. 

Lee Taeyong - code name - TY

The Leader  
In charge of planning and making the decisions for the team  
Works in a sub team with Taeil on strategic  
Picked all the members  
Often does missions in the field  
Attends meetings and negotiations between allies and others  
Was involved with a new, growing Mafia when SM gave him another chance

Moon Taeil - code name - Moon

Taeyong's right hand man  
Security and strategics  
In charge of background checks on everyone  
First Aider  
Gathers information for mission briefs  
Wanted to go into military strategics but got employed by SM before he could go into the military  
Often escorts the members on missions

Jung Jaehyun - code name - Jung

Backup during offensive missions  
Bodyguard for meetings, trades and negotiations, specifically Taeyong  
works in a sub team with Johnny  
In charge of any rescue missions  
Trains the other members in combat  
Trained in hand to hand and weapon combat, picked a lot up from street fighting   
Captured at a young age by street gangs, trained to fight for money, SM rescued him

Suh Johnny - code name - Suh

In charge of Foreign exchanges and deals  
Makes allies abroad  
Often accompanies Taeyong on any meetings or negotiations  
Persuasive and manipulative when he wants to be which he uses during negotiations  
Caught in the middle between good and bad gangs and only survived due to his manipulative techniques, was guaranteed a safe place with SM

Kim Doyoung - code name - Kim

Sniper/assassin  
Speciality is making deaths look like an accident, conveniently placed construction sites, car accidents etc, prefers portraying it like suicide but knows its riskier to get away with  
Good with making and identifying drugs  
Medic on the team  
Works in a sub team with Yuta, often trail the other members when they do deals in case there's a threat they can take out  
Only SM knows his background and he wants to keep it that way

Nakamoto Yuta - code name - Osaka

Arsonist and sniper  
usually creates a diversion or distraction   
Speciality is improvised weaponry  
works with Doyoung on taking out targets  
involved with the wrong people and got into arson, rescued from prison by SM

Dong Sicheng - code name - Winwin

Spy/ works with going undercover  
Spends months at a time away on a missions  
photographic and trained long term memory  
Used to work for chinese intelligence but got a better offer with SM  
works alone usually

Kim jungwoo - code name - Woo

Spy, information gathering and undercover missions  
Basically a ghost because everyone presumed he died in the fire of his house  
Doesn’t like to get his hands dirty but will help with kidnapping/making someone disappear  
helps training Donghyuk  
Accidently involved with SM's affairs and everyone thinks he'd dead so SM offered him another life

Lee Mark - code name - lee

Hacking and tracking mainly  
Another ghost, but self created ghost  
Observant, analytical, quick thinking, trusted by Taeil to help with strategics  
Got into hacking but involved with the wrong people and was forced to drop off the grid at 14, found and rescued by SM  
Monitors all the communications during missions, knows where the 127 members are at all times, usually is near the mission site in a truck tracking the members  
Has a side hobby of creating small gadgets and what not, proud of the self destruct feature he created on the mission phones and the goggles he made for offensive teams, uses nightvision and thermal detection, xray scanning and facial recognition technology. 

Lee Donghyuk - code name - Haechan

Does small undercover missions  
Trained by Jungwoo and Jaehyun  
Determined to earn the others’ trust but it's difficult since he’s new and from a corrupt group, came to SM himself with information in exchange for protection


	2. Chapter 2

Monday

Yuta stared at the man through the glass, his black hair was gelled back perfectly. Similarly, he wore a perfectly clean and ironed suit, everything was perfect.   
His features were soft, kind even but there was something cold and hard in his eyes.   
Maybe determination or hard confidence or a lack of compassion, Yuta didn’t know but it made him feel small.   
He picked up the phone receiver, not daring to leave the man’s gaze. His voice came out small and broken, a side effect of the smoke still residing in his chest.   
“What do you want?”  
“The question is, what do you want, Yuta?”  
Yuta held back the urge to ask how the man knew his name, of course he would. There was something official, something deadly about the man.   
His cold eyes bore into Yuta’s soul and Yuta gulped.   
“I want to get out of here, I want another chance” Yuta couldn’t help but tell the man the truth, he couldn’t lie to those eyes because they would know. The man stared directly into his soul and read every secret within seconds of laying his eyes on Yuta.   
“It’s your lucky day then, I’m here to give you a second chance”   
.  
Yuta shifted uncomfortably in his seat, he breathed deeply, appreciating the fresh air once more.   
He was free, in fresh clothes and back in society. He hated the stale air in the prison, and the rough, oversized overalls he was forced to wear everyday.   
Almost free, he reminded himself.   
“What do I need to do?”  
The man, who had introduced himself as Suho, smirked and took out a contract. “It’s not what you need to do, it’s who you need to become.”  
“Who are you?”  
“We, are a specialized group of highly skilled individuals who come together to do things for the good. Think of it like secret intelligence, but better, more efficient and every man has his worth”  
Yuta frowned, looking down at his now cold coffee, “Skills? I don’t have any skills…”  
“Yes you do, I’ve seen you fire assault weapons and snipers, I’ve seen what you’re capable of doing with chemicals and a match”  
“How did you…”, Yuta’s voice trailed off at the end, this shouldn’t be a surprise to him.   
“We’ve been watching you for quite a while now Yuta”, Suho’s smile was soft but the gaze in his eyes sent chills down Yuta’s spine. “And although you have proven to be rather...troubled. We have other troubled individuals like you, looking for a second chance”   
Yuta paused, considering it for a while. It was true, he desperately wanted a second chance. A second chance to be a better person, to do good things and have a good life.   
It was something he always dreamed of.   
“What about the others, the others I was with-”  
“They’re dead”, Suho’s voice became deadly once more, no sign of compassion or empathy, “An arsonary accident should we say?”  
Yuta suddenly didn’t want to know what happened to the others, as long as they wouldn’t come after him he didn’t care.   
“Are you with us Yuta? I will warn you this is a lifelong decision, not one you can back out of and if you betray or leave us, you will pay with your life.”  
Yuta knew he wanted a second chance, he wasn’t going to let it go.   
“Yes”   
.  
.  
Taeyong glanced at the file laid out on the table, then back at Suho. “Are we ready to introduce him?”  
“I’d say so, I’ve talked to him and got him to sign the contract, he seems desperate for a second chance”  
He glanced at Taeil, waiting for his confirmation.  
“His background check and records are exactly what you’ve said, nothing dodgy”, Taeil added.   
"And you have two weeks to decide if you want him, or to get rid of him"  
Taeyong nodded, “Okay then, let’s introduce him”   
.  
.  
Yuta followed Suho down the seemingly endless corridor. His legs ached and he wanted to sleep but he knew he couldn’t, not yet.   
He tugged on the backpack straps around his shoulders, Suho had given him a small allowance to buy some personal items and clothing.   
Yuta had been grateful. He had lost everything in the last fire, even the clothes he was wearing had become unusable.   
The air was cold and Yuta shivered, it didn’t help the anxiety inside him. He didn’t know what to expect, Suho had told him he would be living and training with his ‘team members’.   
He hoped they would be nice, he hoped they would be better than the people he was previously with.   
Yuta guessed they were underground, the long never ending corridors reminded him of a nuclear bunker or some kind of underground secret base. He couldn’t remember the last time he saw a window

They finally came to a halt at the large, locked door with a key code. “This it it, here’s your code”. Suho announced, fishing a small piece of paper with a 5 number code written on it from his blazer pocket.   
“Will I see you again?”, Yuta asked, feeling a strange fondness to the man who had given him another chance at life.   
“No, and you should hope that you won’t because if you do see me again it means that something’s gone wrong and you will soon be dead. Hope you settle in well!”. He patted Yuta’s shoulder awkwardly, before turning and walking briskly down the corridor, leaving Yuta in a horrific confusion.   
He sighed and read the numbers on the paper before pressing them into the keypad.   
The door hissed and swung open slowly, he checked the time, it was late in the evening. Hopefully he could eat and rest soon.   
He could hear the sounds of other people, he guessed his team members from inside the door and he stepped inside, flinching as the door closed behind him.   
There was another corridor in front of him, a small one this time and lined with closets with more electronic locks on them.   
He followed it until he came to an opening into a room. Instantly he spotted about four guys, all their eyes trained on him like a target. He guessed they were his team mates. Fear flared in his chest once more, cold and heavy as the conversation in the room died.   
He bowed and introduced himself, not sure what else to do.   
One of them stood up, giving Yuta a calculating look, “Come on, I’ll tell the Leader you’re here”.   
The other three turned back to their conversation, ignoring Yuta and he felt embarrassment heat up on his face.   
He followed the boy leading him down the corridor, he couldn’t have been more than twenty but he was well built and had the same, cold look in his eyes.   
He stopped in front of another locked door, Yuta was already lost. Much of the base looked the same, all metal locked doors and long dim corridors.   
The door swung open to reveal who Yuta guessed was the leader, he glanced at Yuta, then at the boy behind him. “Thank you Jung”, he mumbled before beckoning Yuta into the small room. The man was of average height, athletic and on the skinnier side, his hair dyed silver and Yuta couldn't help noticing his attractively sharp jawline. 

“I’m the leader of this group, you can call me TY for now. And then if we decide we want to keep you, you can use our real names.”  
Yuta hesitated, then shook the man’s outstretched hand, 'if we decide to keep you' echoed in his mind. He dreaded to think what would happen to him if they didn't like him.  
“You’re assigned to a partner, we all have one that we work with on missions and train with, for now he’ll be looking for your potential and if you do anything that we might decide to get rid of you for.. My advice is don't take this chance as a joke, because we won't ”   
He handed Yuta a digital watch and another piece of paper. “Your schedule, the watch is to help stick to it, it’s the same everyday. Someone told me you were rescued from prison?”  
“Uh, yeah,”  
“What for?”  
“Arson,”   
TY nodded thoughtfully, not disapprovingly like Yuta expected. “We don’t have an arsonist on our team. You’ll be a nice addition, if we keep you that is”, he laughed at the last statement but Yuta couldn’t. He could hear the underlying threats.   
Someone knocked harshly at the door and Yuta flinched, a muffled shout of ‘dinner’ was heard from behind the door.   
“You should eat well and then rest. Your schedule starts tomorrow, and early”  
.  
Yuta lay back against the bed. It was more comfortable than what he was used to.   
The ceiling was made of metal, like the rest of the bunker but there was a single sky light in the middle of the ceiling.   
He felt sick from the meal, the food was richer and there was more than he was used too but he knew he’d need it for tomorrow.   
He wondered what would come tomorrow. His schedule was vague, just the times and “Running with Kim”, or “Fighting with Jung”.   
“Can you like shut the fuck up?”, his roommate grumbled angrily. Yuta stared at the ceiling in surprise, he had yet to speak to him and this was their first conversation.   
“I didn’t say anything…”  
“I can hear you thinking”  
“......what?”  
“Just go to sleep”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> blood/injuries

Tuesday

Yuta spluttered as cold water was thrown onto his face. He gasped for air and sat up quickly in his bed, looking accusingly at his roommate. “What the fuck?”  
“Get up”  
Yuta only stared at the boy in shock, the boy turned to his own bunk, the room was still dark but Yuta could make out his orange dyed locks through the darkness. “I said get up, put your uniform on and meet me in the kitchen. You’ve got five minutes.”  
Yuta sighed and rubbed his face, at least he was spared of having to wash his face.   
He glanced at the neatly folded pile of black clothes and gear on the floor near his bed, presumably that was his uniform.  
He grumbled and started to get dressed.   
.  
His roommate had led him down another small corridor and then up some stairs that led to the outside, confirming Yuta’s suspicions that the base was somewhat underground.   
He took a deep breath as the cold, early morning air hit him.   
They were in the middle of nowhere. Long, flat fields surrounded them dotted with small village roads and lone trees.   
Even if Yuta tried to escape, he knew he wouldn’t make it far.   
The sky was still a dark blue and his uniform felt heavy; He was wearing a pair of military boots, heavy duty trousers, t-shirt and bulletproof vest.   
On top of that the orange haired boy insisted that he wore knee and shin pads.   
“Why am I wearing all this?” he asked the boy as they walked down a narrow path. He expected the boy to give another snarky answer but his eyes were softer this time.   
“This is what you’ll be wearing in the field, the vest at least. Be thankful I’m not making you carry a sniper as well”, he sighed, before fixing the strap of a large, slender black case to his shoulders and back.   
Yuta assumed it was a sniper. He remembered what Suho said about his own sniper ‘skills’, and then what the leader said about his partner.   
Of course he would’ve been partnered with a sniper.   
The boy started to jog down a wider and clearer path and Yuta tried to stop thinking and give in to the rhythm.   
.  
Yuta panted and started at the horizon as the sun started to rise slowly, almost being full daylight yet was still a deep orange. They had finished their run and now sat on the hill near the outside door, the sweat made the vest stick to his skin and he couldn’t wait to get the equipment off.   
The boy handed him a protein bar, “Breakfast,”   
Yuta scoffed, taking it and wolfing it down despite the taste. “I get up at the crack of dawn to run for this?”  
Thankfully for Yuta, the boy laughed along. “You’ll get used to eating shit food, trust me after that, Actual food tastes amazing.”  
“I already know, prison food isn’t even edible half the time”   
He furrowed his eyebrows in curiosity and looked at Yuta, “You were in prison?”   
“Suho rescued me from there”  
“For what?” he asked through a mouthful of protein bar.   
Yuta paused, he figured if this wasn’t going to be his life now he wouldn’t have one. “Arsonary ”   
The boy nodded thoughtfully, “You’re not the first out of prison, and you won’t be the last. Don’t fret, we all make mistakes and get snatched up by the wrong people.”  
His watch beeped and he checked it. “Time to go back inside, you’ve got training with Jung next” 

A week later

Yuta gasped as the boy’s fist hit the side of his arm. He ducked and stepped back, narrowly avoiding another punch.   
The boy smirked, “You’re getting good”. Yuta leant forward with another punch to the boy’s centre, missing and falling as he felt a kick delivered to the back of his knee, bringing him to fall onto the mat.   
He laughed and stayed down. “Apparently not good enough”.   
The boy laughed, dragging a hand through his orange coloured hair and sipping from his bottle. “You’ve still got a long way to go, but you’ve improved a lot over the past week”   
“Doyoung! We need you at med bay, it’s Sicheng”  
Yuta recognized Jung running into the practise room, he was wearing a similar uniform to what Yuta would be wearing in the field. But there was dirt and bruises already on his skin and his hands were covered in blood.   
Doyoung looked at Yuta in shock, then at Jung before following him and ordering Yuta to do the same.   
Yuta was torn, he knew he wasn’t meant to know their real names but it was too late now, so he followed Doyoung in silence.   
He followed them down the corridor and through another door, the handle had more blood smeared on it and Yuta couldn’t help but notice the anxiety building up in his chest.  
The ‘med bay’, as Yuta presumed, was a large room with many individual beds surrounded by curtains and cabinets containing large amounts of equipment and medicine.  
There was an examination table in the middle, with a bleeding boy sprawled across it. He was still wearing most of his gear but Yuta could see his chest moving up and down rapidly, as if he had difficulty breathing.   
He guessed it was Sicheng from what Jung had said.   
He saw Doyoung and Jung rush over to the table, already talking about the boy on the table. He could hear strained whimpers of pain and mumbles of “Jaehyun” coming from the injured boy’s lips as Jung comforted him . He guessed that was Jung’s real name.   
“Can I help?”, he asked. He wanted to help but he was unsure if it was his place, and he had just found out three of their real names after all.   
Doyoung stared up at him, glanced briefly at Jaehyun before nodding, “Take his gear off”.   
Yuta struggled to remove the heavy boots on the boy’s feet due to his constant squirming, he winced as he got kicked in the face. Another cry of pain caught his attention and he sighed, feeling bad for the amount of pain the boy was in.   
“Hold on Yuta, he’ll be out soon”  
He nodded and held the boys legs down as much as he could to avoid anyone else being kicked. He glanced at the boy's face and regretted it, there was blood everywhere. It was on his face, on his hands, on Doyoung and Jaehyun’s hands.  
His t shirt had been cut away and lay in shreds on the table, revealing his bloodied torso and a dark stab wound in his abdomen. Yuta swallowed and looked away, focusing on keeping the distressed boy’s legs down, although the job was getting easier. Within minutes the kicking died down to a slight squirming and then he fell limp altogether.   
“Will he be okay?” he asked quietly. Doyoung gave him another concerned look while gently trying to clear some of the blood.   
“Yeah, he’s just in shock and distress,”   
Yuta nodded, removing the second boot and placing it neatly under the table. He moved to tidy the rest of Sicheng’s gear before standing awkwardly, still wanting to help but unsure how.   
“Yuta can you go and tell TY that Sicheng’s back, but here?”, Jaehyun asked and Yuta nodded before making his way out of the room. Still quiet with worry and shock.  
.  
“You weren’t meant to hear our names, not yet anyway,”  
They were back at the dorms, Yuta was pinned against the door with Doyoung hovering menacingly above him.   
“I know”, he mumbled, afraid of the deadly look that hung in Doyoung’s eyes. It sent a chill down Yuta’s spine and he knew Doyoung wouldn’t hesitate to get rid of him.   
“Which means, we either kill you or keep you”  
Yuta swallowed, heart racing as Doyoung’s gaze tore into his soul.   
“I want to stay, this is the only life I have left, I have no other contacts or anyone, I'm not a threat”   
Doyoung stepped back and smiled. “Welcome to the team then,” he pulled a still shocked Yuta into a tight embrace. “I’ll introduce you formally to everyone tonight. Welcome to team 127”


	4. Chapter 4

One week later

Yuta sighed, he swore it was getting more and more difficult to navigate the base. Surely it should be getting easier?   
He turned the corner, repeated the room number in his head again.  
It didn’t help that all the corridors and walls looked the same, except for the room numbers painted on the metal door.  
Doyoung had told him it used to be a war bunker, and the corridors looked the same to confuse anyone who tried to break in, it made sense but it made life so much harder.   
He punched the code into the keypad and entered.   
It was cooler than the rest of the complex, darker as well and there were tables covered in various bits of machinery and technology.   
In the corner was a large display of several monitors and a desk where a boy sat behind, heavily invested in something that lay on the desk.   
He walked over to the boy, waiting for him to notice but he was too focused on the gadget in front of him.  
Yuta sighed awkwardly, before clearing his throat, “Mark?”  
“Oh shit, yes, hello”, the boy looked up in mild surprise  
“I was told to come and see you-”  
“Yeah you’ll probably want your shit now”, he got up from the desk and walked to one of the tables, Yuta followed in mild confusion, not sure of where to place himself.   
He handed Yuta a small, wireless earpiece. “This is how you’ll communicate with us in the field, it picks up surrounding noise so you can just talk normally or quietly and we’ll still hear.” Yuta took a moment to examine it, it seemed almost too small to do what Mark had described, he noticed it had a little ‘Y’ engraved in the side of it and smiled.   
“I’ve already got a phone-”, he started as Mark handed him a mobile.   
“This is a special phone.”, he smirked mischievously and Yuta could only listen. “This you can take with you on missions and use, I’ll show you all the features later but you can upload and interact with all your mission files and track your progress etc. this is for work use only so don’t watch porn on it”  
Yuta nodded, pocketing the phone and finding himself smiling to Mark’s humour.   
“Since you’re a sniper, you’ll have an assigned weapon unless Taeyong or the boss says otherwise, this is it”, he reached for a large, slender case similar to the one Yuta had seen Doyoung carrying.   
He couldn’t help the burning excitement and anticipation that built up in his chest.   
Mark clicked open the case and fell silent, giving Yuta a chance to properly look at it.   
“I guess Doyoung will help you train with it, but all the weapons stay in the armory that’s one of our rules”   
He closed the case and Yuta nodded in understanding.   
“That’s it for now, we’ll give you weapons and shit for each mission and it’ll be different each time but those things are more like, your everyday mission shit. I heard you’re an arsonist too? Is there anything you need for that?”   
Yuta sighed, trying to keep up with the pace that Mark talked at, he found it somewhat endearing. “I mean-”  
“Like what kind of things do you normally use?”  
“Honestly, a lighter and some chemicals and whatever I can find”   
Mark sighed in defeat and Yuta almost felt sorry for him, “For chemicals talk to Doyoung, it’s almost like his hobby. He’ll be in the garage for that. I’ll make sure we’ve always got some lighters around before we drop you off,”   
“Thanks, a lot”, Yuta said, reaching for the handle of the sniper case, he was really starting to feel like he belonged here.   
“Don’t worry, it’s part of my job, literally” 

The case was heavier than Yuta expected it to be, he only dreaded the time Doyoung would make him go for runs with it on his back.   
He sighed and tucked it into the large locker with his name painted on it.   
He guessed he really was deep into the organization now.   
He couldn’t help but feel anticipation for his first mission, whenever that would be. 

He locked it and pocketed the key before walking out of the armoury and towards the med bay.   
He felt drawn to Sicheng but he couldn’t figure out why. He reasoned it was because he saw the boy injured and in pain and wanted to make sure he was recovering, what other reason could it be.   
Yuta punched in the code for the door and slipped into the room, he heard voices and hesitated, closing the door quietly.   
He listened for a moment, torn between revealing himself and being polite or staying quiet and eavesdropping.   
He decided to do the first, and walked slowly into the room. He recognized Taeyong’s voice, and saw him first sitting at Sicheng’s bed.   
Although the soft, worried gaze he gave Sicheng threw him off.  
Taeyong seemed more closed off than the others, sure he was friendly and got along with the members but Yuta guessed he was afraid of being vulnerable in case it interfered with his leader image.   
“Hello Yuta,” Yuta jumped out of his thoughts as Taeyong addressed him directly, his hand still holding Sicheng’s.   
Yuta smiled awkwardly and walked towards them, Sicheng looked as if he was recovering quickly.   
He was more awake and alert, propped up against the pillows and the bruises on his face and torso had turned a greenish yellow colour.   
“Yuta’s our new member, he’s been here about three weeks but you were away.   
“I just, uh, wanted to see if you were doing okay. You wouldn’t know but I helped, when you got back and were covered in blood”, Yuta felt himself tripping over his words, a mixture of confusing feelings building up in his chest and choking him.   
Sicheng managed a small laugh at the statement and Yuta blushed, realizing what he said.   
“Thank you”  
Yuta glanced at his face, his gaze falling over Sicheng’s messy blonde locks and the green bruises under his eye yet he still thought Sicheng was stupidly handsome.  
He tried to avoid staring at his exposed chest and focus on his face in an attempt to make it less awkward.   
Taeyong cleared his throat, “We should go and let you rest, Doyoung must’ve made dinner by now,”  
Yuta cursed internally, knowing by Taeyong’s reaction that he had made it awkward.   
He just hoped Taeyong hadn’t noticed the blush on his cheeks.


	5. Chapter 5

Saturday

Yuta stared at the metal floor of the van, the blue light above painting him and the other members in a fluorescent atmosphere.   
He could feel the excitement and anticipation building up inside of him and he took a deep breath to try and calm himself.   
He didn’t want to mess up on his first mission.   
“Okay listen up,” Yuta glanced at Taeil, wanting to hear the instructions clearly to avoid making a mistake.   
Taeil held a tablet in his hand, showing them the screen. “This is Sam Johnson, also known as ‘The Ace’. He’s an infamous drug lord from America paying a visit. We’ve found two crates of his stolen technology to return to him, in exchange for various flammable chemicals and drugs. Johnny, you’ll exchange the goods and Jaehyun will act as your bodyguard.”  
Yuta glanced at the pair opposite him, Johnny was dressed in smart yet casual clothes and almost looked like an ordinary citizen. Yuta knew that he had a bulletproof vest on at least, and was probably armed.   
Jaehyun looked, more obviously like a bodyguard, dressed in practical black clothes but showing his vest and earpiece.   
“Make sure to check the goods before ending the deal, Doyoung will have your view streamed through his glasses so he’ll verify them. Doyoung and Yuta, stay low and don’t attract attention. If it goes south, get rid of the guards unless ‘The Ace’ makes a direct attack, then please try to only maim him at most, we want him as an ally, for now.”

Yuta diverted his attention back to the ground, replaying the information in his head, determined to remember all of it.   
He felt his earpiece slip out again and sighed in frustration.   
“Hold on, lemme help”, he heard Doyoung mumble before he felt warm hands on his neck holding him in place before Doyoung adjusted it. “The wire goes behind your ear”.   
“Oh, yeah”, Yuta replied, embarrassed that he hadn’t thought of that, he ignored his heartbeat that jumped at the close proximity.   
The van stopped in a small car park, Doyoung pulled open the sliding side door and jumped out, Yuta followed. 

“This is your stop, see you after the mission”, Taeil said, patting Yuta on the back.   
He put on his glasses, watching in curiosity as the program started running and scanning his field of vision.   
He laughed when he turned to Doyoung and it recognised him from the facial recognition. “Remember to use code names now”  
“Kim, Osaka can you hear me?”, Yuta recognised Mark’s voice in his ear and he nodded.   
“I can hear you”, He mumbled after hearing Doyoung confirm it verbally.   
“Okay you’re all set, good luck”   
The door slammed and the van sped off. Yuta adjusted the heavy case on his back and took a deep breath, if he got too excited he could mess it up.   
“Okay let’s go,”  
He followed Doyoung up the staircase, the building anticipation fueling him as his legs started to burn with the weight of the sniper.   
He checked his watch, 5 minutes until the other would be there.  
They reached the top, Yuta took a moment to catch his breath as Doyoung unlocked the small door leading to the roof but soon he was moving again.  
“I’ll take this side, you go opposite,” Doyoung ordered, pointing to other roofs joining the building that surrounded the site.   
Peering down, Yuta already spotted several cars and a gathering of armed personnel.   
He nodded and broke into a light jog, keeping to the middle of the roof to avoid chances of being spotted. In two minutes he had reached the building opposite Doyoung’s position.   
“I’m in position,” he mumbled over the radio.   
“Okay, set up and stay low”   
Yuta glanced around and spotted a chimney he could hide behind, he had one minute left. He crouched onto the gravel and began unpacking the sniper, the movements had practically become muscle memory from practicing.   
He lay flat on his stomach, the muzzle of the weapon resting on the edge of the roof. He had 30 seconds left.   
“I’m in position”  
“So am I”, he heard Doyoung state.   
“Seo and Jung have already gone in, Kim are you receiving Seo’s feed?,” Yuta heard Mark’s voice once more.   
“Affirmative”   
Yuta held his breath as he recognised Johnny and Jaehyun enter the space. Jaehyun was wheeling the two crates behind Johnny as he made eye contact with the target. His body language was relaxed and comfortable.   
He heard the conversation going on, mainly Johnny’s words but he caught occasional words from the other man. Yuta didn’t understand any of it anyway, the conversation being in English.   
“Kim, he’s checking the goods now”  
“Got it”  
Yuta held his breath, waiting for Doyoung to announce that they had been tricked.  
“Looks like everything’s clear,”  
“Continue with the deal Seo,” Mark confirmed and Yuta breathed a sigh of relief, still keeping his eye on The Ace’s men. He saw Johnny take the metal cases and two large men take the crates from Jaehyun.   
“Kim and Osaka, stay in position until Seo and Jung are safe”, Yuta heard Mark in his ear piece once more and nodded.   
Although he couldn’t help but feel the mission was over, he tried to stay alert but his mind was already wondering. He glanced at his watch, they had been waiting a few minutes but it felt like hours.   
“Seo and Jung have returned with the goods, stay low and make your way to the pickup point”.   
Yuta mumbled a brief ‘okay’ before starting to disassemble his weapon after seeing Doyoung do the same. It took him less than a minute and he picked up a light jog, staying in the middle of the roof once again to avoid being seen.   
Soon enough he was on Doyoung’s roof and making his way to the staircase but he had lost sight of him, he knew they wouldn’t leave him behind but he couldn’t help the building alarm inside of him.   
He pulled the door open and stepped into the building, flinching violently as a hand landed on his shoulder.   
He turned with wide eyes to see Doyoung grinning at him. Instantly he felt relief flood through him.   
He almost expected Doyoung to say something but the boy only patted his shoulder and started down the staircase.   
.  
.  
.  
Sunday

Yuta grumbled to himself and rolled over in his bed.   
The room was still dark and the skylight let in a feeble blue light. He checked his watch, 4.50 AM. He had 10 minutes before Doyoung would wake him up for training.   
He sighed and stared into the darkness before noticing Doyoung still asleep in his bed, his bright orange locks peeking out from the mess of blankets. He sighed again, sleepily trying to think why the boy wasn’t awake yet.   
Doyoung always managed to be wide awake before him.  
He smiled, this time he would surprise Doyoung by being awake first.   
Yuta pulled the blanket off, making the bed and then reaching for his uniform that was neatly folded under his bedside table. He managed to get all his uniform on and was about to put on the bulletproof jacket when his elbow knocked a glass off his table.   
He winced as it broke on the floor with a loud crash, his gaze never leaving Doyoung.   
He grumbled sleepily and rolled over, one arm slung over his face. “What the fuck are you doing?”   
“Why aren’t you awake yet?,”Yuta asked in retaliation.   
Doyoung’s arm fell back on the bed as he squinted sleepily at Yuta, “We had a mission yesterday. We get a day to rest and recover, so no training,”   
Yuta sighed, feeling stupid, “Well, I didn’t know that,” he spluttered in his own defense.   
“Just go back to sleep,” Doyoung grumbled into the blankets.   
.  
When Yuta woke up again, Doyoung was gone.   
The room was significantly lighter and he could hear various sounds around the dorm.   
He sat up, sleepily rubbing his eyes and got dressed into the clothes he had bought from Suho’s allowance.  
He could feel the ache across his back and shoulders and sighed, he’d have to get used to carrying that sniper.   
He stumbled through the corridor and into the kitchen where he found the other members from yesterday’s mission.   
The kitchen was filled with the smell of cooked eggs and bacon and his stomach protested in hunger.  
“Wow that smells good,”he mumbled to no one in particular as he sat down.   
“It tastes even better,” Jaehyun claimed through a mouthful of bacon, “Taeil’s the best cook here besides Taeyong”   
Yuta nodded, not completely sure what to do. He felt awkward being so casual with them and obviously they felt quite comfortable around him but he was still unsure. “So, uh, what’s the plan for today?”  
“I mean I was gonna just read and watch some movies, so I’m being antisocial unless you wanna watch movies with me,” Doyoung announced, looking up from his book.   
Yuta flinched as he suddenly noticed Taeil’s presence behind him, he felt a gentle hand rest on his shoulder as Taeil placed a plate with bacon and two eggs in front of him. “Breakfast for you,” he said with a soft smile and Yuta felt more welcomed. “There’s toast in the toaster if you want as well”.   
“Thank you,” Yuta said before picking up his fork at starting his breakfast. His stomach urging him to eat.   
“Johnny and I were gonna maybe play some games and just chill out. Mark’s got a really cool gaming setup in the tech room, you can come along too, if you want obviously,”   
Yuta nodded enthusiastically, he didn’t like the idea of being left alone with nothing to do.   
He finished his breakfast and moved to the sink to wash up his plate. His thoughts turned once again to Sicheng, wondering how he was recovering.   
“How’s Sicheng?” he asked no one in particular, once more.   
Taeil looked up from his plate, “He’s eaten and resting at the moment but he’s recovering quickly.”  
Yuta nodded, wiping his hands on a nearby towel. He felt eyes on him and glanced up, seeing Doyoung’s intense gaze fixated on him instead of his book. “You’re really worried about him aren’t you?”  
Yuta felt his cheeks grow warm, “No, I just- He seemed really injured, is it weird to be concerned about my team member?”  
Doyoung smirked and returned to his book, Yuta glanced at Johnny and Jaehyun for help but they hadn’t heard the conversation.   
He huffed and gave up, heading back to his room.   
.  
.  
Yuta sighed and lent against the wall. He sat on his bed cross legged and stared at the ceiling in boredom.   
He couldn’t sleep for some ungodly reason.   
He had unfolded and folded his uniform, once again, opened his work phone and documented his progress and targets before putting it down to charge. He didn’t like being bored, having nothing to do. It reminded him of his time in prison, a heavy weight settled on his shoulders and he took a deep breath.   
He had to remind himself he was free and had a life now.   
He stood up and walked to the kitchen, he didn’t bother turning any lights on.   
The full moon was out that night and the skylights in the ceiling provided enough light.   
“Yuta?”  
Yuta flinched and dropped the glass in the sink. He picked it up, inspecting for any damage before turning to face the person that had scared the life out of him.   
He didn’t expect it to be Sicheng. “I didn’t mean to scare you, I guess I’m used to sneaking around,”  
“It’s fine,” he mumbled, he couldn’t help staring at the boy’s bare chest. His gaze finding pink and pale scars he hadn’t noticed before, as well as the bandage still wrapped around his middle. “How’s your, uh, injury?”  
Sicheng moved past him to fill his glass of water, “Oh, getting better. I might start some light training next week,”   
Yuta nodded and sipped from his glass, not sure of what else to say but he couldn’t tear his eyes away from him. “I should probably let you rest”  
“Uh, yeah I’ll see you tomorrow,”   
Yuta nodded, leaning against the counter and watching Sicheng go, admiring how the moonlight fell onto his back. His figure was slim and athletic yet his muscles were toned and defined, Yuta looked away almost feeling guilty from staring at him so much.   
He shook his head and placed the glass back in the sink before heading back to his own room.   
“You really like him don’t you?”, he heard Doyoung’s voice emerge from the darkness.  
Yuta sighed and sat down on his bed, “What makes you say that?”  
“You can’t keep your eyes off him, you’re always concerned about him and you blush like crazy whenever someone even mentions him, you’re even blushing now!”  
“I don’t blush, I’m not blushing!” Yuta declared  
Doyoung only laughed in disbelief, “You’re blushing, is he blushing Jaehyun?”  
Yuta watched in slight horror and confusion as Jaehyun sat up from a mound of blankets on the floor that he hadn’t noticed previously. “Yup, he’s blushing”  
“Why the fuck are you even in here? This isn’t your room”   
He sighed and lay back on the pile of blankets, “Taeyong and Johnny are at it again,”   
“At it... like?”, Yuta wasn’t sure he wanted to know what Jaehyun meant but nevertheless he was curious.  
“Yes, at it like fucking, like they’re a thing,” Doyoung clarified, “Thank god the walls are thick,”  
“Oh,” was all Yuta could manage with the onslaught of information, he didn’t really expect it, but then again he hadn’t gotten the chance to know Taeyong.   
“Yeah, Doyoung’s like the only straight one here, unless you are,” Jaehyun added  
Yuta scoffed, “Bold of you to assume I’m straight,”  
“He likes Sicheng and that’s not straight, so he ain’t”, Doyoung grumbled and Yuta huffed in annoyance.   
“So are you gay then or?”, Jaehyun asked curiously, sitting up once more.   
Yuta shrugged, “Fuck if I know”   
“For fuck’s sake Jaehyun I let you sleep in my room when they’re at it, so shut up and go to sleep”   
Yuta fell back against his bed, clearly Doyoung was annoyed at the constant disturbance but then Yuta felt he would be too if he was in Doyoung’s position.   
He closed his eyes, automatically replaying the conversation in his head before he realised.   
He sat up once again, “Wait, that mean’s Sicheng isn’t straight!”  
“I swear to god Yuta if you don’t shut the fuck up I will melt your bones”   
He heard a muffled laugh from Jaehyun and fell back against the bed, head spinning with the new information.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> mentions of scars/previous injuries

A week later 

Yuta stared at the man through the scope.  
He was an accountant, German and in his mid 40’s.  
He had a wife and two sons, but was having an affair and hiding his real job, an accountant for a powerful and evil billionaire, from his family, by posing as a foreign trade manager for an oil company.  
That was the information Taeil had found about the man, Yuta didn’t doubt that there was more but that was all the relevant information on his phone.  
His boss had betrayed Yixing’s deal, Yuta had never met the man but Sicheng had clarified he was part of the organisation and starting a Chinese branch.  
Yuta didn’t know what the deal was but he had information and instructions to kill him.  
He adjusted his finger on the trigger as the man walked out of the building, behind his boss.  
He could feel Doyoung’ breath and body warmth from their proximity.  
He could feel the sweat begin to drip down his collar from the sun.  
“Now,” was the single word he heard from Doyoung before Yuta squeezed the trigger, a millisecond after Doyoung.  
He felt the weapon push back into his shoulder and looked away from the scope, watching as the two men fell almost in unison.  
Blood dripped down their necks onto their boring grey business suits.  
“Let’s go,”  
Yuta nodded, packing up the sniper in less than 60 seconds and slinging the case onto his back.  
Soon after, he was following Doyoung down from the roof and into their parked car. The mission wasn’t high risk enough for Taeil to escort them this time.  
“Mission success, heading back to headquarters,” Doyoung mumbled as he started the engine.  
Yuta heard Mark over his headpiece but tuned him out. His body felt warm and numb, he leant his head against the window and let the steady movement of the car send him into a light sleep.  
.  
When Yuta woke, he was in the garage of their base. Glancing out to the closing door he could tell it was late evening from the darkened sky.  
He checked his watch, it was 10 pm. They had missed dinner by an hour.  
“Come on, I’ve put your sniper away for you, won’t be doing it again,” Doyoung grumbled, opening the passenger door and Yuta almost fell out of the car.  
He mumbled a sleepy thanks and rubbed his eyes. “Are you feeling okay? The mission wasn’t that difficult…”  
Yuta didn’t fight Doyoung as he held him still in his arms, touching his forehead. “You’re really burning up,”  
He leant his head against Doyoung’s shoulder as a cold chill spread through him.  
“It’s cold,” he mumbled and Doyoung sighed.  
“Come on, let’s get you to the dorms,”  
Yuta nodded, letting Doyoung’s arms guide him and focusing on moving his legs forwards.  
It felt like they had arrived within moments, Yuta frowned, making a noise of confusion but the words didn’t seem to form.  
He heard Taeil and Sicheng’s voices surrounding him but couldn’t figure out where they were.  
He could feel tears start to form from his frustration and someone picked him up, he fought feebly against them but soon he felt a painful feeling start to throb in his arm and gave up.  
The person set them down in a dim room and Yuta could finally open his eyes without feeling blinded or overwhelmed by the light.  
He felt the straps of his bulletproof jacket come loose and glanced up at the person taking it off.  
“Taeil?”, he murmured but his words sounded slurred. Taeil looked up at him and smiled before removing the vest.  
“Hello,” he bent down and started to loosen the body armour on Yuta’s legs.  
“What are you…” Yuta sighed, feeling too tired to finish the sentence as he gripped onto the sink behind him, the room swayed and his head throbbed.  
Where was Doyoung? He swore he was with him a mere few seconds ago.  
“It’s okay, you’ve had too much sun, just let me help you,”  
Yuta nodded even though Taeil couldn’t see him and slowly lifted his foot out of his boots. His clothes felt damp but he was shivering, his head hurt trying to think where he was, where Doyoung was.  
He flinched away from Taeil’s touch as he reached for behind his ear. “It’s okay, I’m just getting your equipment,”  
Yuta nodded and let him take his earpiece. “Can you take your trousers off?”  
Yuta nodded as he felt his cheeks flush, he felt weak and exhausted but he could do that at least. His cheeks only grew darker as he struggled with shaking fingers at the zipper but thankfully Taeil was looking away.  
He finally realised he was in a bathroom and Taeil was starting to fill up the bathtub.  
“Why…” He trailed off, feeling breathless after a single word.  
“You’ve had way too much sun and we need to cool you down, when Doyoung gets here he’ll be able to properly diagnose you,”  
That caught Yuta’s attention and he looked up at Taeil too quickly and his head throbbed painfully. “Come on, let’s get in the tub,”  
He took Taeil’s hand, tensing when the other touched his back. Taeil’s touch was hot, almost burning but comforting at the same time.  
He felt so confused about everything but it hurt to concentrate or focus on anything and Taeil’s comforting tone made him trust the older boy.  
He flinched at the cold sensation of the water, making him shiver in discomfort and sending chills through him but it cooled his burning skin at the same time. He sighed and leant his head against the side of the tub.  
The door swung open, the noise causing the throbbing in his head to increase and he winced before looking up at the intruder.  
“I got the ice,” Sicheng said, rushing over to join Taeil near the bathtub. He gave a worried glance at Yuta before tipping ice into the cold water.  
Yuta shivered as the ice touched his bare skin and he curled up out of slight shame.  
He didn’t want Sicheng to see him shivering in a bunch of ice wearing only his boxers and a flimsy shirt.  
“Sicheng you can go now,” Taeil spoke gently once again and Yuta was grateful.  
Sicheng nodded, hesitating and not taking his eyes off Yuta, before leaving the room and taking the container with him. “Stop tensing, you’ll get cramps in your muscles”  
Yuta nodded and unfolded his legs, sinking into the cold water and letting it surround him. He tried to stop tensing or shivering but it was difficult. But Taeil was right, as always. His cramps had subsided and his head felt clearer.  
The door opened again, quieter this time and Yuta was sure he wouldn’ve noticed if Taeil hadn’t looked away.  
He felt a relief burst through his chest as he recognised Doyoung.  
“Oh good, he’s cooling down,”  
Taeil frowned, moving to touch Yuta’s forehead. “I don’t know, he still feels quite hot”  
“Hell yeah I’m hot,” Yuta mumbled and heard Doyoung sigh.  
“Yeah he’ll be fine in no time”  
“I’m gonna go and grab some stuff for him to eat and drink,” Yuta heard the door open and close again and assumed that was Taeil going.  
Yuta’s gaze followed Doyoung as he set a large bag on the floor and crouched near the bathtub.  
He lent his head against the side of the tub, relaxing completely into the cold water as Doyoung measured his temperature, pulse and other things but Yuta trusted him.  
He heard Taeil’s voice again as his eyes fell shut.  
.  
When he woke again he felt much colder and his head was clearer.  
He reached to scratch his shoulder and froze, feeling bare skin under his fingers.  
He breathed through his nose, trying to calm the burst of anxiety that fled through him but he felt exposed, vulnerable and that meant someone had taken his shirt off, someone had seen the marks.  
That was when he noticed the light reflecting in the water.  
He glanced up to see Doyoung perched on the edge of the bathtub like a gremlin, flashlight held in one hand and the other holding a book.  
The sight would’ve made Yuta laugh if he didn’t feel so exposed and anxious.  
“So you saw my scars?” he said pitifully, not reaching Doyoung’s gaze.  
He folded the corner of the page and put the book down, “You kept burning up with your shirt on, I had to take it off. We didn’t meant to see them,”  
“We? Who else?”  
“Taeil,”  
Yuta felt a wave of relief wash over him, “So Sicheng didn’t see them,”  
“No, he wouldn’t have judged you for them, we all have some kind of scarring,”  
Yuta still refused to look at him, hating the gentle tone Doyoung used. It made him feel weak. “Obviously from Medical training I can tell they’re burns and I know you’re an arsonist, I hope it was an accident,”  
Yuta scoffed, “Kind of,”  
“Kind of?” Doyoung echoed and Yuta didn’t recognise the emotions in his voice. Something between concern, curiosity and sadness.  
“I was on a mission with a new gang, and I guess they didn’t want me anymore. They were meant to pick me and this other guy up but before we got to the exit he poured the rest of my oil on my shirt and threw me into the fire.”  
“That’s horrible”  
“That’s gang life,” Yuta shrugged. “I’d say I’m lucky to be alive, the scarring is kinda my fault, I didn’t really look after it much and it got infected, then when it was healing I scratched at it a lot too,” he rambled about it with a sense of nonchalance but he knew he would break if he caught Doyoung’s eyes.  
Doyoung fought a smile, “Yeah that would really do it,”  
“What are your scars then? I swear if you turn out to be one of those fake motivational speakers that has had a perfect life I might slap you,”  
Doyoung laughed and climbed down from the bathtub.  
He pulled his shirt off and Yuta almost felt guilty for essentially guilt tripping him into showing his scars.  
Doyoung’s back was decorated in a range of pale and pink scars, all clearly intentional injuries. Some obviously bullet wounds, others stab wounds or large slashes.  
“There’s more on my chest,” he mumbled, turning to face Yuta. His gaze was fixed on a particularly large slash across Doyoung’s side, it started on his left lower rib and ended on his hip bone.  
Doyoung scoffed as he saw Yuta’s face, knowing he wasn’t expecting all of that.  
“I was involved with a mafia family, I tried to get out because I knew they were corrupt and hurt innocent people but, as you can see it didn’t exactly work,” he pointed to the one on his side, Yuta couldn’t take his eyes off it.  
It seemed the freshest, still a dark angry red colour. “That was the last one, apparently Suho found me bleeding in someone's garage,” he sighed and put his shirt back on. “I don’t remember much at all, just getting the hell out of there and pain. I guess I had lost too much blood to remember anything”  
Yuta stared dumbly at the water, feeling a sense of slight shame at pressuring Doyoung to show him, but he didn’t know what to say.  
“Do you think you can eat now?” Doyoung asked, cold fingers pressing gently against the pressure point in Yuta’s neck to measure his pulse.  
Yuta nodded, still refusing to look Doyoung in the eye, “Uh yeah,”  
“Great, I think Taeil left us some soup in the kitchen, your pulse is normal too. You’ll be fine in a few days,”  
.  
Yuta sighed as he returned to his room. Doyoung agreed that his body temperature and pulse were normal enough for him to be able to move around but he was banned from any exercise for at least a few days. He agreed with him, even walking too fast sent his head spinning.  
He closed the door and walked through the darkness, crying out in surprise as his foot hit something heavy and warm sprawled across the floor.  
The thing made a noise of pain and yuta rushed to turn on the light only to see Jaehyun now curled up and clutching his head.  
“Shit, are you okay?”  
“No you just kicked me in the head!” came his distressed response.  
Yuta winced, “I’m sorry,” he didn’t know what to do, should he call and get Doyoung? Should he comfort him?  
The door to the room swung open and Doyoung appeared through the darkness, Yuta stared in slight shock wondering if Doyoung had read his thoughts. “Oh shut up Jae, you’re fine you’ve been through worse,”  
Jaehyun stopped whining about his injury and glared at Doyoung, before burying himself under his blanket.  
Yuta sat down on his bed awkwardly, “Is it Johnny and Taeyong again?”, he asked through the darkness  
Jaehyun made a grumpy noise in agreement.  
“Do you like them?”  
He heard the blanket move again, “What do you mean?”  
“Well you’re not straight and they’re obviously not, and they’re good looking, so do you like them?”  
Jaehyun fell silent but Yuta could see him nodding slightly in the darkness. “Where is this going?”  
“You could join them,” Yuta suggested casually although saying it out loud he felt a slight blush creep up on his face. “I mean, if you all like each other and you wouldn’t have to get yelled at by Doyoung and-”  
Jaehyun cut him off, “No that’s actually a really good idea,” he paused to think. “Yeah, tell Doyoung I won’t be coming back,” he mumbled before leaving the room.  
Yuta stared at the wall in front of him in surprise, he didn’t expect that to work.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry for the late update
> 
> trigger warning - descritpion of a fire/explosion

Two months later

Yuta sighed as he leant against the brick wall.   
He closed his eyes for a moment, basking in the rays of the warm sun. It was mid autumn but the sun shone brightly and the air was dry and light.  
Perfect for a fire.   
“We have eyes on the target,” He heard Doyoung’s voice state through his earpiece.   
He opened his eyes and observed the street, everything seemed calm, even peaceful, in the sun’s afternoon glow.   
He felt a slight rush of excitement and anticipation, nobody knew what would happen.   
Of course he didn’t plan on anyone getting injured, he had fireproofed the walls inside of the target house and had used no explosive chemicals to reduce the initial fire.  
It would look larger and more serious than it actually was, causing more panic, and panic created distraction.   
“Following target, Osaka are you in position?”   
“Yes,”  
He felt a light breeze against his skin, the nylon shirt that Taeil had insisted on him wearing felt like silk against his skin.   
Yuta wasn’t stupid and he knew nylon was fire resistant, he had a strong suspicion it had someting to do with his scars but he couldn’t say anything against it.   
“ETA five minutes,” this time it was Jaehyun.   
Yuta went over the instructions in his head. He had to cause a distraction while they chased and captured the targets in their base a few streets away.   
He fumbled in his pockets and opened the cigarette pack Mark had handed him.   
Yuta didn’t smoke, the smoke and chemicals from being an arsonist did enough damage, but it would be a discreet and easy way to start the fire. He lit it and started a 3 minute counter on his watch.   
He took his time observing the street, crossing it leisurely and no one so much as glanced at him. The smell of smoke and nicotine reached his nose and he held the cigarette down, away from him.   
He hated the smell.  
Yuta leant against another wall, spying the trail of oil he had left in the gutter on the side of the street.   
He checked his watch, two minutes to go.   
He waited another 30 seconds, tuning into the radio chatter in his ear. It sounded like it was going well, this had been the riskiest mission they had been on so far.   
He glanced away, dropping the burning cigarette into the gutter and waited for the oil to catch fire, before walking away with a more urgent pace.   
He found his place again across the street, a few cars away from the van that Mark was stationed in.   
He ducked into an alleyway, still keeping his eyes on the target house. It was abandoned, of course.   
“Distraction in progress, 30 seconds left.”  
He continued to monitor the street, semi proud of the precautions he had taken to protect the surrounding houses.   
He was eager to see the result.   
A large movement caught the corner of his eye and he turned his head to see a black van turn into the street.   
His stomach dropped as he recognised the label of a gas company. There couldn’t be a gas leak on this street, not now.   
He swore under his breath, dread and fear building up in his chest like a cold, acidic liquid that burnt at his insides.   
His fingers had gone numb.  
“Osaka what’s wrong,”he heard Doyoung’s concerned voice over the radio but he couldn’t reply, he could only stare as the truck drove further into the street and parked at one of the houses right next to his target.   
He checked his watch.   
10 seconds left.  
“Osaka report, what is it?” He heard Taeil’s voice now from the base.   
His usual soft tone replaced with a firm, commanding one but Yuta barely heard him.   
There couldn’t be a gas leak, not next to the distraction, not with the heat-  
Yuta jumped as the house exploded.   
He covered his ears and crouched onto the ground.   
Fear rushed through his veins as his heart skipped a beat.   
He stood up, just in time to see a red ball of flame erupt from the house beside the distraction.   
Another explosion and a large chunk of the roof fell into the street.   
Yuta could only stare as the window shattered, red and orange flames bursting through the empty frames as if they were fingers reaching for the helpless people.   
He could hear the others on the radio calling for him but he couldn't respond.   
Frantically he searched for anyone that was injured or hurt from the explosion but couldn’t find anyone.   
It seemed like they had avoided it, or at least been helped quickly  
“I- the distraction,” the paused, not sure how to explain what had just happened, “There was a gas leak and-”   
His focus faded as he stared at the hellish flames consuming the two houses, Mark’s explanation of the events sounded faded, distance, distorted.   
He stepped back onto the pavement as he heard fire truck sirens.   
“Yuta, Yuta are you okay?” he heard Mark’s voice but it was close.   
He felt hands grabbing him and flinched before he realised Mark had come out of the truck.   
He struggled to put words together, not knowing what to say to the boy. “Yuta listen to me,” Mark’s hands held firmly on his shoulders, shaking him slightly as he held eye contact. “Listen, it’s not your fault. Okay? It’s not your fault, you didn’t do that,”  
Yuta nodded along, his gaze falling from Mark’s eyes to his t-shirt, tears filling his vision.   
Trying to repeat what Mark’s was telling him in his head.   
“Guys, we’ve got a witness.”   
Yuta felt as if he would throw up.  
.  
The truck was cold, as always and his nylon shirt did nothing to keep him warm.   
He wanted to scream, shout, cry, hit something but he couldn’t.   
He felt numb. The events of the explosion playing over and over in his mind.   
He felt the van pause, the door slide open and Doyoung and Johnny climbed in, both leading two figures with bags over their heads.   
At least the mission had gone successfully.   
Doyoung sat next to him, one had kept firmly on the figure’s neck as he pushed the figure’s head down into his knees. “Keeps him unconscious,” he mumbled to Yuta.   
The van carried on moving and Yuta kept his gaze on the floor, his bulletproof vest was the only thing keeping him warm.   
“It’s not your fault you know,” Doyoung murmured quietly, not wanting to disturb the sombre silence in the van. His free hand dropped to rest on Yuta’s knee. “You didn’t know there was a gas leak and you took extra precautions, no one got hurt”  
Yuta’s gaze traveled from Doyoung, to where the boy sat between Jaehyun and Taeyong.  
His shirt dirtied with rubble and ash, his head slumped on Jaehyun’s shoulder and Yuta was thankful for the bag covering his face.   
He couldn’t have handled seeing him.  
“That is protocol, a safety precaution. That is not your fault. All of us are under strict orders to kidnap any witnesses or civilians involved by default.”  
Yuta nodded numbly, trying to believe what Doyoung said but he couldn’t help feeling like he was responsible.   
.  
.  
The sickening feeling of overwhelming dread only increased when they pulled up into the garage, as he pulled open the door of the van and recognized Suho.   
His suit was spotless and there wasn’t a single crease to be seen.  
Like always, he wasn’t smiling.   
Yuta cast a worried glance at Doyoung as he joined Jaehyun to guide the captured boy away.   
Doyoung sent him a worried look, not helping to ease his nerves, before disappearing through the double doors.   
He flinched as a hand rested on his shoulder, “Don’t say anything, just let me take care of it,” Taeil whispered in his ear before walking towards Suho.  
Yuta followed unwillingly.


	8. Chapter 8

Yuta stared at his cold cup of coffee, becoming immersed in the murky brown liquid.   
Mark was right, Johnny did have a talent for coffee making, but Yuta felt too anxious to digest anything.  
Taeyong and Taeil still hadn’t returned from their meeting with Suho and the big boss.   
Yuta still didn’t know his name, he didn’t think many of them did. He guessed it was for security or something of the sort.   
Taeil’s absence only made him feel worse.   
“Are they going to get rid of me?” He asked quietly, not daring to look into Johnny’s eyes.   
He liked Johnny, he was kind, gentle and humorous. Despite being one of the most intimidating looking members.   
He made a note never to get on Johnny’s bad side though, he didn’t know exactly what went on but he knew Johnny did the interrogations and was the most effective at getting information.   
“No, they won’t.”, Johnny confirmed, not looking up from his phone, “You’re too valuable skill set wise and you’ve proven yourself to be loyal. Plus they guaranteed you a safe life, that’s not something he would go back on.”  
“He?”  
“The big boss, he makes all the final decisions, like sure Taeil and Suho design our missions but he makes all the calls in the end”   
Yuta nodded numbly, “What will they do?”  
“What do you mean?”  
“What will they do with me?”  
Johnny sighed and put down his phone, Yuta felt suddenly uncomfortable with the intense eye contact but felt he couldn’t look away. “Nothing. It was an accident. If anything it was Taeil’s fault for not looking into the hazards and he will say that,”   
“But it wasn’t…”  
“Just like it wasn’t your fault. It was an accident. They won’t do anything you’re not just a guest or a weapon to use Yuta, you belong with us now,”   
He sighed and looked guiltily into his coffee cup, before deciding to dump the rest into the sink and washing the cup.  
“I’ll see you in the morning” he mumbled before walking into the corridor, not waiting to hear Johnny’s response. 

He let the darkness of the corridor embrace him, not holding back the silent tears as he counted the doors to his and Doyoung’s room.   
He flinched as a door near him opened, bathing him in a soft orange glow. He turned to recognize Sicheng.   
“Yuta,” Sicheng closed the door behind him, his hands moving to rest on Yuta’s shoulders. “I heard what happened, are you okay?”   
Yuta could only stare at the boy, the urgency in his voice, the worry on his face and his warm hands on his skin made him feel a foreign vulnerability.   
He looked down, staring at Sicheng’s shirt instead. Tears obscuring the view of the faded out band symbol on the fabric.  
“Oh Yuta,” he murmured, one hand moving to gently wipe his tears away and Yuta gave up on controlling it. His tears falling faster than Sicheng could catch as his shoulders shook and he struggled to breath.   
He fell into Sicheng’s embrace, closing his eyes and focusing on the warmth of Sicheng’s skin through his shirt, the soft circles he drew into Yuta’s back, the firm grip he kept on Yuta, telling him he wouldn’t let him fall.   
He let Sicheng steer him into his own room. It was smaller than his own, with two simple beds, a wardrobe and a desk against the far end of the wall.   
He sat on Sicheng’s bed, looking up at him through the tears in his eyes.   
“Mark’s my roommate, but he usually sleeps in the techroom,” Sicheng briefly explained the bare bed opposite his.   
He sat beside Yuta on his own bunk and Yuta refused to look at him once more.   
The comfort Sicheng offered him made him uncomfortably vulnerable.   
He felt Sicheng’s hands on his shoulders again, pulling him back into a warm embrace and he didn’t resist.   
“It’s okay, I’ve got you,” he mumbled and Yuta gave up resisting. He let himself cry openly, his sobs muffled by Sicheng’s shoulder. He let himself cry until his voice was sore and his eyes stung.   
He couldn’t remember the last time he had been so vulnerable, so weak.   
Let alone in front of someone.   
He didn’t try to escape from Sicheng’s arms though, he still needed the comfort.  
“I’m sorry,” he whispered, his voice so hoarse he doubted he would have managed any more.   
Sicheng shook his head, one of his hands moving to stroke Yuta’s hair gently. “What for?”  
“For being weak,”   
He felt Sicheng sigh against him, “No, don’t apologise for feeling. You’re human, it’s not weak. I promise,”   
Yuta couldn’t respond, still trying to believe Sicheng but the negative thoughts in his head continued to assault him for it. “Sorry for ruining your shirt then,”   
Sicheng chuckled at that, a warm sound deep from within his chest that made Yuta feel warm and giddy. “It’s okay, you can come and ruin my shirt whenever you need. You ready to face the world yet?”  
Yuta shook his head, never wanting to leave Sicheng’s embrace. His grip around the boys waist only increased to emphasize the point. “I’m tired.” he mumbled.   
“Then sleep, I’ll be here when you wake up. I promise,” 

The next morning

Yuta stared sleepily at the television balanced precariously on the kitchen counter.   
It showed a helicopter view of the explosion, he sipped bitterly at his coffee before rubbing his eyes. They felt dry and sore.   
“It’s not your fault,” he heard Taeil mumbled from behind him, clearly ignoring the chaos going on in the background.   
“I know,” he couldn’t look at the older boy, eyes fixed on the ruin of the houses being shown on the TV, and then the boy they had kidnapped.   
Supposed dead.   
“What will happen with Kim Jungwoo?” The boy’s name felt heavy in his mouth, heavy with guilt and something else Yuta couldn’t pinpoint but it made him feel sick to the stomach.   
“Suho put a decoy skeleton in the wreck, he is now dead to the world. The boss wants him trained and ready to join the team in 6 months, give him another chance. It’s only fair, he’s got nowhere else to go”   
This time Yuta stared at Taeil, “Join the team? Like, our team? And what we do?”  
Taeil nodded nonchalantly, “You’ll be surprised,”   
“But he’s a civilian, he’s going to university”  
“Highly trained in martial arts, studied drama and psychology and was top in his class and a continuous police record of petty theft, only arrested a few times on suspicion and others ratting him out. Suho reckons he’s our next spy,”   
“Wait, why ‘studied’?”  
Taeil shrugged, a slight smirk playing on his lips, “He’s dead now isn't he?”


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> graphic descriptions of violence/injuries/blood

Two weeks later

Yuta sighed, resting his head against the back of the seat as the car lurched forwards.  
The mission was a success.  
The fire being a large distraction, Taeil being able to get inside the base and plant the hacking device, and Mark had already hacked into their mainframe.  
He opened his eyes, hearing a police siren in the distance.  
“Mark slow down, we’ll get stopped for speeding,”  
He felt the car slow down slightly, letting the sound of Taeil hammering at his keyboard fade into the distance.  
They drove off the main road, slowing down to avoid suspicion. Yuta sat up to glance through the windscreen.  
That was when he noticed it.  
A single red dot, reflecting slightly through the windscreen on the drivers side.  
He suddenly realised what it was, a warning rising in his throat but never making it past his lips.  
He didn’t see the bullet.  
He saw the hole it created in a second on the windscreen.  
He felt warm droplets of blood spray on his face.  
He heard a sickening thump as he saw Mark’s body fall against the steering wheel.  
The car veered off to the side of the road, crashing within seconds and Yuta stared numbly at the broken windshield.  
“Get out the car, now!”  
Taeil’s voice brought him to reality and he scrambled out of the door, slinging the assault rifle over his shoulder.  
Yuta paused for a second, heart racing as he watched the blood pool onto the interior of the car before making a choice.  
He tore the driver’s door open, grabbing Mark roughly and pressing two fingers to his neck, and then to the side of his head, desperately searching for a pulse.  
It felt like hours but his heart lurched when he found it, weak against his fingers but there. He reached to unbuckle the seatbelt, before looping his arms under Mark’s limp body, cradling his bleeding head into his own chest.  
“Is he alive?”  
Yuta nodded, unable to form words. Taeil glanced behind him towards a back alley.  
“Get him safe, I’ll be right behind you”  
Yuta nodded again, tightening his grip on Mark and turning to run down the alleyway. He could hear bullets ricocheting off of the buildings surrounding him but he kept running until they stopped.  
He glanced around, frantically searching for Taeil. He sighed before crouching down and gently resting Mark against the brick wall.  
Yuta stood in the alleyway, waiting for Taeil, gun ready for any enemies.  
His shirt was wet with blood where Mark’s head had been. It felt warm and sticky against his skin and Yuta wanted to vomit.  
But within seconds he was back on the floor next to Mark, hands wandering to find his pulse, scared that it would disappear if he didn’t look for it. He took a deep breath, trying to find the wound along Mark’s head but there was too much blood.  
He closed his eyes and placed his hand against Mark’s head, trying to locate the wound. His stomach lurched as he recognised the feeling of torn flesh along Mark’s temple, the warm blood rushing over his finger tips. He took another deep breath, trying to find the main wound, making it easier for Taeil.  
He gagged as he felt more torn flesh and a bloodied mess where the top of Mark’s ear should’ve been before he pulled away.  
“He’s still alive? How bad is it?” he flinched at Taeil’s voice, taking deep breaths and fighting the urge to vomit. “Yuta, come on,”  
“I-”  
He stumbled backwards and Taeil grabbed him by the shoulders, forcing Yuta to look at him, “He’s dying. How bad is it?”  
Yuta nodded, trying to force the words out of his mouth, “Left temple...there’s no bullet,” He swallowed, “Part of his ear gone,”  
Taeil let go of him, rushing over to Mark and Yuta leant against the wall for support. He raised his hands to rub his eyes but saw they were covered in blood, Mark’s blood.  
He sighed and gave up resisting, quickly emptying his breakfast into a nearby bin.  
“Yuta,”  
He cursed under his breath, tears threatening to fall. “What?”  
“I need your lighter,” his voice was softer this time, more worried and Yuta forced himself to look up at him. Taeil was kneeling on the ground, his bag open and first aid supplies strewn on the ground, Mark’s head cradled on his thighs.  
“You need what?”  
“Your lighter,” he placed a small cloth under the remnants of Mark’s ear, “His ear is, it won’t stop bleeding and there’s no other way,”  
Yuta swallowed, reaching into his pockets for the lighter, “Yeah, ok”. His stomach churned as he understood what Taeil had to do.  
He nodded and handed Taeil the lighter, “Is there - can I help?”  
Taeil glanced up at him, mild surprise on his face before he nodded again, “Okay. Put pressure either side of his ear,”  
Yuta crouched down next to him, placing his shaky hands where Taeil instructed. “Now?”  
“Now wait,”  
He glanced up and regretted it, seeing Taeil pull out his car keys and hold it above the flame from the lighter. “Will he… move?” he mumbled, briefly remembering Sicheng’s squirming and bloodied form on the table in the med centre.  
“He’s unconscious,”  
“Oh,” Yuta breathed a sigh of relief, he was sure he’d have thrown up again if he had to hold Mark down.  
Taeil shifted again, putting the lighter to the side, “Look away and hold your breath,”  
Yuta did as he was told, subconsciously putting more pressure onto Mark’s wound as he felt the blood begin to seep through the cloth. He cursed as he felt Mark flinch slightly underneath him, still alive enough to feel the pain. “Okay, okay it’s done,”  
Yuta instantly let go, looking away and sitting back against the wall, taking more deep breaths.

It felt like a century before he turned to glance at Taeil once more, the older boy was sat against the wall similar to him.  
But with Mark cradled in his arms, a new bandage fixed around his head and ear as he talked to him gently. Yuta guessed Taeil was trying to keep him conscious, he hoped it was working. He saw Mark’s fingers move and tug at Taeil’s shirt weakly.  
They were going to be okay.  
.  
Yuta glanced up at the sky, it had turned a bloody orange and Yuta blinked back tears.  
He stood up, stretching his limbs, getting rid of any cramps he had collected from crouching against the wall. He shook Taeil’s shoulder gently, trying to wake him but not disturb him.  
“Hey, do you want me to take over for a bit?”  
Taeil hesitated before nodding, “I sent a distress signal earlier, keep him conscious,”  
Yuta nodded, gently lifting Mark from Taeil’s lap and resting him against the wall.  
“Hey do you-” the questions died as he saw Taeil had passed out on the floor. He sighed and reached for Taeil’s bag, finding a water bottle and a cloth he got to work with trying to wash some of the dried blood off Mark’s face.  
“Taeil hyung?” Mark mumbled and Yuta paused, not wanting to confuse or distress him.  
“It’s Yuta,” he continued with washing Mark’s face, holding his face as gently as he could.  
“Where’s Taeil?”  
“He’s just resting, the others will be here any time soon,”  
Mark nodded, eyes fluttering close as he relaxed in Yuta’s grip. Yuta continued with washing his face, knowing it would stain his skin for a bit but he could at least try to get rid of the dried blood.  
“Tired,” Mark mumbled and Yuta swore under his breath.  
“I know, but you need to stay awake. At least until the others find us,”  
He raised the bottle to Mark’s lips, silently urging him to stay hydrated, he had lost too much blood. Mark didn’t fight against it.  
“It hurts,” he mumbled and Yuta felt his chest tighten.  
“I know, they’ll come and pick us up soon, then Doyoung will fix you up,”  
“Am I going to die?”  
Yuta took a deep breath, staring at the ground and trying to hold back tears, “No, you’re going to survive this. I won’t let you die,”  
Mark fell silent again and Yuta moved to sit against the wall next to him. Slowly he felt Mark rest his head against his shoulder, so he moved to make it more comfortable. “You do need to stay conscious though,”  
He squeezed Mark’s hand and felt a weaker squeeze in return.  
“It’s difficult,”  
Yuta thought for a moment, trying to find any way of helping Mark. “Tell me about your childhood, you’re American right?”  
“Canadian,”  
He fell silent over the correcting, feeling ignorant but he persisted. “Did you live in Canada?”  
He felt a small nod. “What was it like there?”  
Yuta fell silent while Mark talked passionately about his childhood before gang life, only prompting him with questions when he fell silent and soon he listened curiously to Mark, wanting to know more about the endearing boy in his arms. He held him close, scared that if he let go he’d become cold and still.  
Even when the others came to collect him, and Mark had passed out under the influence of drugs and painkillers, he refused to let go. He didn’t let go until they were in the med bay and Doyoung had to pull him out of his trance.  
He realised that what he was feeling for Mark was more than worry, more a sense of panic and anguish at seeing the younger boy hurt, something protective, almost as if he was Yuta’s younger brother.  
Johnny’s words repeated in his head, and for the first time Yuta did feel like he was in the right place.  
As if he belonged.


	10. Chapter 10

Yuta found himself on the edge of Sicheng’s bed once more.   
He hadn’t realised it was in fact Sicheng’s room until the boy in question entered and called his name.   
All the walls were the same in the base.   
He walked over to Yuta gently, barely making a noise but Yuta wasn’t paying attention.   
He said something but Yuta couldn’t hear, any sound feeling distant and muffled.   
He flinched as Sicheng grabbed his hand, his focus suddenly fine tuned to every movement and sound until it was overwhelming, unbearable, and tears fell down his cheeks but Yuta didn't make any move to stop them.  
He watched as Sicheng pressed a wet cloth to his hands, gently washing away the blood.   
Mark’s blood.   
The weight on Yuta’s shoulders became heavier, a sickening feeling in his gut from realisation.   
He couldn’t remember seeing Sicheng leaving the room to get the cloth and water, he hadn’t realised his hands were grazed until they stung.   
He struggled to think.   
When his hands were clean, Sicheng dried them gently, and pressed a kiss to the back of each hand.   
The simple gesture made more tears fall from his eyes and Yuta had no idea why. But at the same time he couldn’t stop thinking of Sicheng’s soft, warm lips against his cold, aching hands.   
The gentle, loving action caused his heart to beat erratically and bleed at the same time.   
He finally looked up into his eyes.   
Sicheng was closer than Yuta had originally guessed, so close Yuta could see every small scar, blemish, and mark on his face.   
He could see the worry in his eyes. It made him feel vulnerable but he didn’t want to run away from the feeling.   
His hand moved to cup Yuta’s jaw, his thumb running gently over his cheek and brushing the tears away.   
It was a familiar gesture, one that only filled Yuta’s chest with a burning sensation and made him feel safe.   
“Hold on,” He whispered as he gently raised the cloth to Yuta’s forehead.   
Yuta didn’t resist, letting Sicheng wash away more dirt and blood, his lips now in line with his eyesight and Yuta could only admire them.   
Remembering how they felt against his skin, softer than they looked and he found himself wondering how they would feel against his own lips. 

Sicheng dropped the cloth onto the floor, cupping Yuta’s face gently with both his hands now.   
“All done,” he whispered and Yuta managed a half smile, his eyes dropping from both Sicheng’s gaze and his lips.   
They settled on Sicheng’s tshirt, plain black but the colour had started to fade, Yuta noticed the faint outlines of muscle under the fabric where it hugged his skin.   
Before Yuta could look back up at him, or realise what he was doing he felt Sicheng’s soft lips against his own.   
The proximity and intimacy of it startled him and he felt overwhelmed. He was so close Yuta could feel his body heat, he could smell his cologne but he could barely feel Sicheng’s lips against his own.   
Before he could lean into the kiss, or even reach out to touch him Sicheng was pulling away. His warm, comforting grip left Yuta’s skin as cold air replaced his touch.   
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have-” He stood up, refusing to look at Yuta and he felt the warm comfort flooding out of his chest.   
He couldn’t understand why Sicheng was leaving him.   
He reached out, grabbing onto the bottom of his T-shirt before Sicheng could run away.   
Sicheng looked back at him this time, his eyes staring directly into Yuta’s soul and he had to look away.   
“Don’t leave,”  
His voice came out hoarse, pathetic he thought.   
He couldn’t remember crying but the thought of Sicheng leaving made his throat close up again.   
Sicheng nodded, sitting next to Yuta on the bed. His gaze falling over Yuta’s face, forever analysing and figuring out what he was feeling.   
“Can you- can you kiss me, please?” His voice came out as no more than a whisper but Sicheng was close enough to hear.   
He saw him nod, one hand moving to cup his jaw again as he waited to feel Sicheng’s soft lips against his own again.   
The kiss was stronger, more confident this time and Yuta moved his hands to Sicheng’s neck, gently holding onto him.   
He felt the need to hold onto him, as if he would disappear from beneath his hands. Or maybe it was the overwhelming emotions that were flooding through him, emotions he had never felt before or could even name but he knew he needed Sicheng more than he had ever needed anyone.   
He sighed into the kiss, letting the tension run out of his stiff shoulders and shaking hands as he focused on nothing but Sicheng. Letting him invade each one of his senses.   
He felt a Sicheng’s hand press against the middle of his chest, gently pushing him back on the bed and he let himself fall, still lost in Sicheng’s touch.   
He was yanked into realisation when he felt Sicheng’s fingers against his stomach, beginning to push his shirt up and he pulled away abruptly.   
The scars on his chest suddenly felt like a suffocating weight.  
Sicheng sat up, concern written on his face, “What’s wrong?”  
Yuta stumbled to find the words, knowing exactly what was wrong but his throat refused to let the words out.   
Tears sprung in his eyes and he refused to look up at Sicheng.   
“We can stop here if you want, that’s okay,” he tugged Yuta’s shirt back down.   
The simple action reminded him of Mark leaning against him in the alleyway, Mark’s blood everywhere and his weak grip on his shirt and reality.   
He felt sick, he took his hands off Sicheng, knowing that they had started to shake again.   
And of course Sicheng noticed. He grabbed Yuta’s hands, holding them ever so gently and Yuta felt tears fall down his cheeks again as he felt Sicheng’s soft lips against his knuckles.   
“What do you want to do?” he urged gently.   
“I don’t- I don’t know,” Yuta finally managed, hating how weak his voice sounded.   
Sicheng nodded in understanding, not letting go of him. “Do you want to just chill and watch a movie or something?”  
Yuta nodded, not knowing what else to do and Sicheng smiled, pressing a light kiss to his forehead before shifting both of them into a comfier position.   
Yuta ended up almost laying on Sicheng, his head resting on Sicheng’s chest and he sighed as the movie played in the background.   
He knew that if he was with Sicheng, he would be okay.


	11. Chapter 11

When Yuta stumbled into the kitchen it was well into the day but he didn’t care.   
Everything ached and his eyes felt sore from crying. He wasn’t injured from yesterday but he still felt awful, and he was hungry.   
“Hey Yuta,” he recognised Taeyong’s voice as he entered the kitchen.   
He made a noise in return, not even paying attention to his own response as he sat at the table and lay his head on his arms. “There’s some takoyaki left over for breakfast if you want,”  
Yuta instantly sat up, “That’s my favourite,”  
“So I’ll take that as a yes then?”  
Yuta grinned and nodded, returning Taeyong’s bright smile. Maybe everything wasn’t so shit after all.   
.  
Sicheng had gone for training along with Doyoung, and the others were on a mission.   
Yuta sighed, not quite knowing what to do with himself but sitting alone only made him think of Mark.   
He glanced around Sicheng’s room, spotting his bits of equipment that he never returned to the tech room.   
Hastily, he gathered them in his arms and headed through the corridors. 

When he got there, he dumped his equipment on the table, starting to sort it into two piles. One that could be put away and the other that needed to have the data collected.   
That was when he felt the hairs on his neck stand up and a creeping sensation fill his body, as if he was being watched.   
He turned around, quickly scanning the room before he spotted two boys.   
Both sitting at Mark’s computer, both looking at him. He was sure he had never seen them before.   
One was dressed casually in sweatpants and a plain shirt, the other in skinny jeans and a hugely oversized hoodie, which Yuta recognised as Johnny’s.   
“Who the fuck are you?”  
“Who the fuck are you?” the boy in the hoodie replied, he seemed defensive. Meanwhile the other boy stared between them, wide eyed.  
Yuta narrowed his eyes, “I asked you first.”  
“I asked you second.”   
He glared at the boy in the hoodie, he was starting to test Yuta’s patience.   
“We’re in the China branch. I’m Hendery, that’s Ten,” the other boy replied through a mouthful of doritos.   
Ten proceeded to smack him. “Why did you tell him?”  
“Why not?” he said innocently  
Ten glanced back at Yuta, “So who the fuck are you?”  
“I’m Yuta,”   
Hendery’s eyes grew impossibly bigger as he punched Ten in the side, “Oh he’s the Japanese one!”   
“Why are you here? And why are you wearing Johnny’s hoodie?”   
Ten scoffed, looking away, “Cuz we’re a thing now.”   
“But I thought Taeyong-”  
“No. Johnny doesn’t date, he only fucks”   
Yuta was at a loss for words, “Oh.”  
Hendery stared uncomfortably at his doritos. “Mark’s injured at the moment so we’re doing his job for the others”   
Yuta looked away from Hendery, feeling vulnerable in the boy’s gaze. His thoughts turned to Mark, only remembering his unconscious state. “Do you need any help with your tech?” Hendery asked.   
“Uh,” Yuta was suddenly brought back to reality, “No, it’s ok”.   
He reasoned that he’d bring his mission report to Taeil, but he didn’t want to say that or offend Hendery. “I’m, uh... I’m going to visit Mark,” his hands scrambled around the table, hastily grabbing his phone and walking out of the room.   
Once he was out he leant against the wall, taking a deep breath. They seemed nice, but the atmosphere was suffocating. He sighed and walked towards the medbay.


	12. Chapter 12

A week later

Yuta shivered under his gear. It was always cold in the van that they used for bigger missions, but with the cold weather it seemed colder still.   
Taeil had insisted to Suho that he let the team layer up during winter. The jacket didn’t do much, it still had to be practical and suitable for the mission but it kept the snow and wind away and Yuta was thankful for that.   
The van paused, the engine was still running and Jaehyun pulled open the door.   
Yuta followed Doyoung on instinct now, the sniper case strung across his shoulders had become lighter through training and he ran up the stairs a mere few steps behind Doyoung.   
They reached the roof and he followed Doyoung into a position overlooking the busy street.   
“Five minutes,” he heard Taeil announce through his earpiece and he nodded subconsciously. He set the case on the roof, kneeling a metre away from Doyoung and started to unpack the sniper. He sighed in frustration, his fingers felt numb and refused to work as he tried to open the case. He paused breathing warm air on his cold fingers.   
“Hold on,” Doyoung murmured, moving towards him and grabbing his hands.   
He held Yuta’s cold hands in between his own surprisingly warm ones.   
“How are you so warm?”  
Doyoung shrugged, letting go of Yuta, “Four minutes,”   
Yuta nodded again, now managing to open the case and assemble the sniper.   
Within a minute he was set up and in position.   
He scanned the street through the scope, noticing the van, Jaehyun in civilian clothes and Johnny presumably not far behind him, the civilians getting on with their day.   
He cursed, fear flooding through him like a wave of sickness as he recognized two figures from his past.   
“What is it?” Doyoung asked, his voice holding an unexpected gentle tone.  
Yuta turned to look at him, his heart hammering in his chest as the words refused to come out.   
“You know my scars?” he asked, and Doyoung’s eyes widened in realisation. “It’s them.”   
Doyoung glanced through his scope. “Two guys near the convenience store, red and blue jackets?” he asked and Yuta nodded, then confirmed verbally realizing Doyoung wasn’t looking at him.   
Doyoung let go of the sniper, moving towards Yuta with a certain determination that intimidated him. He grabbed Yuta by the front of the jacket before punching him hard in the eye.   
Yuta fell on the ground, his head spinning from confusion, shock and pain. He groaned, trying to get his bearings but the world was spinning.  
Doyoung grabbed him again and he tried to fight him off weakly. He felt his earpiece being ripped out and then Doyoung’s hot breath against his ear and neck.   
“I’m going rogue for the mission, carry on with the task then follow Taeil’s instructions,”   
Yuta hit the ground again, the cold snow began to melt into his uniform as his earpiece was shoved harshly back into his ear.   
A cold chill spread through him.  
“Osaka report, what happened?” He heard Taeyong’s voice this time, he sounded urgent.   
He sat up, his vision turning black at the sides as he saw Doyoung walking off in the opposite direction. He paused and gave Yuta a slight nod before continuing and Yuta knew that he still had to trust Doyoung.   
“Kim went rogue,” he groaned and scooped a handful of ice onto his eye. “I’m continuing with the mission.”   
“Are you sure that’s the best decision?”   
“He isn’t a threat to the team, he would’ve killed me if he was.”   
“Okay, you have 1 minute,”   
Yuta nodded to himself, and scrambled to get back into position behind his sniper. He adjusted his grip, having to peer into the scope with the opposite eye as he observed Jaehyun’s movements. “In position,”  
“Located the target,” Jaehyun confirmed and Yuta tracked both his and Johnny’s movements, waiting for either the target or their bodyguard to become a threat. They captured the target effectively but Yuta knew it wasn’t over yet. He scanned their surroundings, squeezing the trigger twice as he spotted two threats rounding the corner. Although the task proved more difficult with the pounding ache in his head.   
“Target captured,” Jaehyun confirmed as Yuta watched them climb into the van, the target between them and a bag over his head.   
“Osaka, can you see Kim?”   
Yuta looked up from the sniper, looking around the roof and noticing Doyoung sat behind his own sniper. “Yes.”   
“Keep your weapon out, bring him back to the van.”   
Yuta swallowed and nodded to himself.   
So this was what Doyoung was talking about when he said he had to listen to Taeil’s instructions.   
He disbaled the support for his sniper and picked it up, leaving the case and support behind as he slowly walked towards Doyoung with Taeil guiding his every step.   
He noticed he was shaking.   
He had to hold back tears when he reached Doyoung.  
“Tell him to put his hands up,” Taeil’s voice was calm and steady, holding a slight authoritative tone but enough gentleness to keep Yuta going.   
“Put your hands up,”  
Doyoung followed the instructions calmly, as if he knew exactly what Taeil would tell him. He never looked away from Yuta’s gaze.   
“And to pack his sniper,”   
“Pack up your sniper,” Yuta hated how his voice shook and broke but pointing the sniper at Doyoung felt so wrong. Again Doyoung followed the instructions wordlessly.   
Only when the sniper was safe in its case did he gesture to Yuta. Arching his eyebrow lightly and tilting his head towards the street but Yuta read the signal instantly and looked.   
A wave of shock and realisation flooded through him as he recognised the two figures from before, the two figures that had instilled fear and scars on him.   
Now lying in a pool of their own blood as it stained the fresh snow falling onto the pavement.   
“Pick up his sniper,”  
Yuta slung Doyoung’s sniper over his back, still holding his own towards Doyoung.   
“Now walk behind him to the van, with his hands on his head,”   
Yuta swallowed, feeling the urge to vomit as his hands shook.   
He took his finger off the trigger, paranoid that if he was too tense he’d squeeze it accidently. “Walk to the van, hands on your head,” his voice shook and broke as tears fell down his cheeks.   
Doyoung followed the instructions calmly again, walking at a decent pace as Yuta stared at the back of his head and hands.   
He wanted the nightmare to be over.   
He felt as if Doyoung had betrayed him but also saved him.   
He wanted to stop pointing the sniper to Doyoung’s head, only now paying close attention to the faded streaks of orange as the dye was washing out his hair.   
He refused to look at Doyoung, tuning out of Taeil’s instructions and focusing on the back of Doyoung’s boots instead.   
Every step echoed with the pain in his skull and he didn’t know if the tears falling were from emotional pain or from Doyoung’s punch.   
They reached the end of the staircase and moved into the car park.   
The van was already waiting, and so were the others.   
Almost instantly Jaehyun and Taeyong were on Doyoung, forcing him onto the ground harshly and handcuffing him.   
A whimper of protest rose but got stuck in Yuta’s throat.   
It hurt seeing the others treat Doyoung the same as the criminals and targets, it hurt more seeing Doyoung not even trying to fight back.   
He lowered his sniper, having no need to point it at him, not that he had a need before.   
Taeil came up to him, blocking off his view of Doyoung. “It’s okay to feel upset, did he hurt you much?”   
Yuta refused to return Taeil’s gaze, “No.”   
He felt the sniper being eased out of his hands and for the first time he never wanted to hold the weapon again.   
“That’s a nasty bruise, you’ll have a black eye,”  
Again, the words formed in Yuta’s mind but refused to come out.   
He desperately wanted to explain that Doyoung wasn’t betraying them.   
He wanted to tell Taeil about his scars and that Doyoung did it for him but he kept quiet.  
He had to trust Doyoung with this.   
“Come sit in the front with me,”   
This took Yuta by surprise but he didn’t complain. He couldn’t handle seeing Doyoung being treated like a criminal or a traitor.   
He walked towards the passenger side of the van, glancing over his shoulder and regretting it as he saw Doyoung slump against Taeyong, his body falling limply as they dragged him into the back of the van.   
A black bag covering his face.


	13. Chapter 13

Yuta stared ahead of him with his one good eye.

His head was pounding and his left eye was swollen shut, his other filled with tears.

He winced as Taeil shined a small torch directly into his face. “You’re concussed. Not badly, just take it easy the next few days unless you faint or throw up.”

Yuta nodded and pressed the ice pack gently against his face.

His gaze moved towards an unconscious Mark laying in the bed next to them. An IV drip fixed to his wrist.

“How is he?” Yuta mumbled.

Taeil let out a large sigh. “He’s stable, managing a few hours of consciousness a day. Head injuries like that take a while to heal, it’s a bit too early to tell how bad the damage is.”

Yuta nodded numbly, debating whether or not to tell Taeil the truth.

He was scared of what they would do to Doyoung, but also didn’t want to break Doyoung’s trust.

“You should probably stay here and rest for a bit,” Taeil advised before moving away.

Yuta grabbed his wrist, stopping him from leaving, the truth on the tip of his tongue.

Taeil stared back at him, surprised, “What is it?”

“Doyoung isn’t betraying any of us,” Yuta blurted before he lost his ability to speak.

Taeil drew closer, holding Yuta’s hand gently, “What do you mean?” his tone was gentle yet urging him for the truth.

Yuta looked back at the floor, letting his hand fall limp in Taeil’s grip.

“The scars on my chest are there on purpose, Doyoung killed the people responsible,”

“But he hurt you-”

“As a distraction,” he fell silent, letting Taeil digest the information as Yuta figured out why he was telling him the truth.

He looked back into Taeil’s gaze. “Please, don’t let them do anything to him. He’s not betraying anyone.”

Yuta held Taeil’s gaze, watching as his cold facade slowly broke as tears rolled down Yuta’s cheeks.

He squeezed Yuta’s hand in reassurance, “I’ll do what I can. ”

Yuta watched as Taeil left the room, closing the door behind him and soon he was faced with a dim quiet that made him feel drowsy.

Maybe it was to do with some of the painkillers Taeil had given him. But his mind felt like it was in overdrive, thinking and rethinking about the scenario.

Overthinking about every possible outcome for Doyoung.

Visualising the two bleeding bodies in the snow.

He shivered, feeling a cold chill and rubbed his hands together. He spotted his jacket slung across a chair near the bed and stood to reach it but his head pounded and his vision swung.

He gasped, reaching out to grab the chair for balance and slowly lowered himself onto it.

Taeil was right, the hit he had suffered seemed to be worse than just a bruise. He closed his eyes and pulled the jacket around his shoulders, not having the energy to wear it properly.

.

The door opened noisily, it always did and Yuta flinched slightly.

His body felt achy and stiff and the room was darker than before, the skylights letting in close to no light. He guessed he had fallen asleep on the chair.

He heard two sets of footprints enter the room and looked up, anticipation building up in his stomach.

His heart lept in his chest as he recognised Doyoung and Taeil.

Without thinking, he stood up to walk towards him but stumbled as his head pounded with the movement.

Doyoung surged forward to catch him in his arms. “I hit you a bit too hard didn’t I?” he mumbled warmly and Yuta shook his head, holding onto him tightly.

Doyoung returned the embrace. “It’s ok,”

Taeil cleared his throat, “We managed to twist the story a bit and say that the victims were looking for Doyoung,”

Doyoung pulled Yuta back towards the bed, helping him sit on it but Yuta still refused to let go of him, stubbornly clinging onto his arm, Doyoung welcomed it.

“We guessed you didn’t want the rest knowing about your scar so…” Taeil trailed off.

“Thank you,” Yuta looked up momentarily from Doyoung’s embrace at Taeil.


	14. Chapter 14

Thursday

The weather only continued to be grim, the cold seeped through the bunker and into Yuta’s bones.

He still wasn't used to the weather in Seoul. The skylights were battered by a combination of wet snow and small hailstones.

Yuta shivered into his hoodie, hiding his cold hands in the pocket as he made his way to medbay.

The cold seemed to cling to every bare metal surface in the bunker and he hated it. He couldn’t wait for the summer.

He flinched as his cold hands made contact with the colder door handle, ignoring the squeaking door as he stepped in.

Immediately he felt the temperature difference, he wouldn’t describe it as warm but it was far from cold.

He sighed and tried to stop shivering.

“Hey,” Yuta recognised Mark’s voice, although it was quieter and his voice was rough, he sounded cheerful.

He noticed a radiator near Mark’s bed. “Taeil taking care of you?” he asked and Mark nodded.

He smiled and took the seat next to the bed, not sure what to say. “Uh, How are you...doing?”

Mark sighed, looking away from Yuta, “Um, I’m awake more, I’m eating normally and can walk around this room slowly, and Taeil’s been giving me small coding exercises to do but that’s it for now,”

Yuta sensed insecurity in his voice, “That’s really great! That’s a lot of improvement.”

“Wait really?”, surprised grew on his features Yuta sighed

“Yeah of course, you took a bad hit there but it seems like you’re doing well,”

Mark nodded, “Taeil says the same thing but I didn’t really believe him,” his voice died out at the end and he looked away again. “Thank you, for, like. Saving me.”

Yuta felt his throat close up, he had no idea what to say so he opted for holding Mark’s hand tightly instead.

He felt tears sting at his eyes when Mark squeezed his hand.

He took a deep breath, holding them back as he leant forward to place a rushed kiss on Mark’s forehead, his lips brushing against his bandage before he stood up and left.

He heard the younger calling after him but ignored it, tears spilling down his cheeks.

Friday

Yuta sighed to himself as he placed his sniper back into its case and then into the large locker, labelled with his code name.

He heard Jungwoo and Sicheng shuffle behind him but ignored them, focusing on removing his gear and tidying it neatly onto the shelves in his locker.

He heard the door close and looked over his shoulder to see the back of Jungwoo’s head moving out the room.

He let out a sigh of relief. He felt like he couldn’t breath around the boy.

“Hey,” he heard Sicheng’s voice calling him softly as his footsteps grew closer.

He sighed and made a noise in return, suddenly he felt lethargic.

Sicheng’s arms looped around his waist,he felt Sicheng’s chin rest gently on his shoulder, he tried to relax into his embrace.

Yuta let out a shaky breath as he focused on removing his gloves, Sicheng’s hot breath fanned across his neck as he trailed gentle kisses across his skin, pulling back after a final one on his cheek.

Yuta turned to face him, wanting to say something but no words came to mind.

Instead, he fell into Sicheng’s embrace as he kissed him, his hands moving to the back of Sicheng’s neck.

He let himself get lost in Sicheng, his presence invading Yuta’s sense and thoughts again but he welcomed it.

He focused on the feeling of Sicheng’s lips against his own, Sicheng’s hands gripping posessively at his waist, the overpowering yet familiar smell of Sicheng’s cologne.

Yuta flinched, the familiar and unwelcome cold, burning sensation travelling through his body like a jolt of electricity. Any sense of lethargy suddenly fled his body and he felt his heart begin to hammer in his chest.

He pushed Sicheng away, feeling suffocated and trapped. He couldn’t look into his eyes.

“Yuta what’s wrong?” Sicheng was still holding his hand and Yuta was torn between accepting the gesture or pushing it away. He squeezed his eyes shut, willing the awful feeling to go away as he struggled to breathe.

“Can I touch you?” Yuta wanted to say no, every sense going to overdrive as his mind clouded in panic but the gentle, reassuring look Sicheng gave him made him reconsider. He nodded, hands gripping at Sicheng’s shirt as he came closer again, his arms wrapping around Yuta protectively.

He sighed and pressed his head against sicheng’s chest, desperately searching for his calm heartbeat. He felt Sicheng’s hands playing with his hair and rubbing gentle circles into his back, the familiarity of it removing some of the distress.

Sicheng waited for him to calm down before pulling away, still holding onto Yuta. “Is this about Jungwoo?” he urged gently.

“How did you know?”

“You seemed really stressed about it, I noticed,” Yuta glanced away from his gaze, there wasn’t much Sicheng seemed not to notice.

It made him feel cared for, but also exposed. “He won’t forgive me,”

“Maybe, he still hasn’t forgiven Taeil. But he knows you didn’t do it on purpose,”

Yuta threw him a questioning look.

“I spoke to him, he’s nice" Sicheng reassured, "a bit different because he had a nicer life before this than most of us but he’s a good person.”

Yuta nodded looking away, feeling pressure build in his chest again as he tried to force the words out of his mouth. “I’m sorry I can’t - can’t be, like, you know,” His breathing had become shaky again, “Be intimate, with you. Yet.”

He let out a huge sigh, refusing to look at Sicheng, he had finally said it and the pressure was gone but a gaping hole of fear lay in its place.

“Yuta look at me,” Yuta mentally cursed at Sicheng, almost hating how gentle and irresistible he was. “I want to wait until you’re ready, and if that’s never, then that’s okay”

Yuta almost couldn’t believe what Sicheng was saying, his answer almost sounding too good. “I promise, I never want you to be uncomfortable with anything between us,”

Yuta nodded, pressing a quick kiss to Sicheng’s lips. “Thank you,”

Sicheng nodded, a broad smile on his face as he cupped Yuta’s cheek. “I love you.”

Yuta looked back at him in shock, feeling a light blush grow on his cheeks from the declaration, but also panic, his mind spiralled into overthinking, did he love Sicheng? Should he say it back even if he wasn’t sure? What was love anyway? How would he know?

“I-”, he tried to return it but he couldn’t, too unsure of everything.

Sicheng seemed to sense his panic, “You don’t need to say it back, if you’re not ready or are unsure about your feelings that’s ok. I just wanted you to know”

Yuta nodded, opting to kiss Sicheng once more, “We’re late for dinner, we should go,” he mumbled, pulling Sicheng to the corridor while still holding his hand.

He opened the door and almost ran directly into Ten. “I was sent to check on you both but I didn’t want to walk in on you doing anything-” he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.

Yuta began to defend himself, “We weren’t-”

“Yeah, whatever, you’re an hour late,” Ten said, not even sparing them a second glance before walking down the corridor.


	15. Chapter 15

A month later

Yuta pushed the door open to his and Doyoung’s room, sending a brief nod in Doyoung’s direction as he entered. Doyoung was sitting on his bed, watching another drama series. He barely acknowledged Yuta as he entered, greeting him with an unintelligible noise.

Yuta sighed and made his way to his bed. He folded his sweater in his arms and put it on the neatly made bed, picking up one of Sicheng’s hoodies instead. He had left it with Yuta just over a month ago. Sicheng’s familiar scent that lingered at first to the fabric had long faded but it still gave Yuta comfort.

He slipped it over his head just as the door flew open and Jaehyun burst into the room.

Out of the corner of his eye Yuta saw Doyoung sit up, about to make a remark but the look on Jaehyun’s face made them both speechless.

“Five minutes to meet in the planning room, Sicheng’s cover got blown”

Yuta tore his gaze from Jaehyun to look at Doyoung for comfort. His heart was hammering painfully in his chest. He felt his fingers grow numb. He wanted to say something, anything to Doyoung but he forgot how to talk.

Obviously he knew Sicheng had been on a mission with Jungwoo and he often got nervous about the dangers but he didn’t expect the worst to actually happen.

He saw Doyoung come up behind him. He placed a comforting hand on Yuta’s shoulder but he could barely feel it with the adrenaline running through his veins. He barely registered the soft push Doyoung gave him towards the corridor.

Yuta didn’t know what he’d do if Sicheng got hurt.

.

He had never been in the planning room, only the leaders, spies and strategists used it. Anything else could be discussed in the dorms or before the mission.

But the situation prevented him from indulging his previous curiosity.

He saw most of his team around the large table in the centre of the room.

Ten and Hendery stood awkwardly next to each other but away from the table, as if they were unsure of their place among the team. Sicheng and Mark’s absence only dug a bigger hole in Yuta’s chest. He noticed Jungwoo, the only one sitting at the table. His face was decorated in bruises and dried blood, his left arm hung in a sling.

Yuta took a deep breath, leaning backwards slightly as his hands searched for Doyoung’s. At least his shirt, or his arm if not his hands. Just something he could hold onto. Doyoung’s warm hand closed around his shaking one.

The door opened violently and Suho walked through. He was dressed in a loose navy sweater and jeans. His usually perfectly gelled hair was damp and messy. The mere casualness of Suho’s appearance only made Yuta more distressed.

Suho was always calm, always put together, never fazed by anything. He tightened his grip around Doyoung’s hand.

Suho stood at the head of the table, hands leaning against the table as he looked down, away from everyone’s gaze.

“He’s alive,” he declared and spared Jungwoo a tentative glance.

“How can you be sure?” Taeyong asked. Yuta could tell he was trying to put on a brave front for the other members but noticed him picking nervously at his nails. He wondered how many of the others noticed this.

Suho sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging from the movement. “They sent us a ransom video, they want two of our captives from their mafia in exchange for Sicheng.”

“Why aren’t we doing the exchange now?!” Yuta blurted before he could stop himself, thoughts of Sicheng’s life at stake killing any rationality. He felt several of them look directly at him, their gaze burning through him. He refused to look at anyone but Suho.

The look Yuta received made him regret it almost instantly. The crack in Suho’s composure made him feel insecure.

“Don’t get me wrong Yuta, I’m just as keen to get Sicheng back as anyone in this room but there are huge risks. Just look at Jungwoo, he barely made it out of there alive.” Yuta nodded and looked down, he felt careless and disrespectful. The shame burnt on his cheeks like a small fire.

Suho was right as always. “Is there anything you want to say Jungwoo?”

Jungwoo kept his eyes glued to the floor. As if he was thinking of what to say, but to Yuta it seemed like he was trying to hold himself together. “Someone tipped them off, our cover wasn’t broken; they suddenly knew exactly who we were and there was no proof anywhere of them suspecting us. Also they wanted us alive, so Sicheng will be alive until the exchange at least”, he avoided everyone’s gaze as he said this.

Suho didn’t seem to like the new information but he nodded anyway. “Okay,” he paused, everyone’s gaze fell on him as they waited for him to give out instructions. “Okay. We’ll accept the exchange and organize it tomorrow. Taeyong and Taeil will come with me to do the exchange, Johnny and Jaehyun in case it gets violent and we can have Yuta and Doyoung on the roof.”

Yuta looked up, about to protest about his position, he wanted to be first in line to see if Sicheng was okay.

Taeil picked up on it first, “I think Yuta should be on the receiving end with you, Sir,”he paused, waiting for permission to continue and Suho nodded, “Sicheng will likely be in a state of mental distress even if he isn’t physically harmed and Yuta is the closest member of the team”

Suho looked at Yuta again, clearly not expecting the news about their relationship, “Is this true?”

“Yes sir.”

Suho nodded in approval, “Fine, Hendery we’ll have you on the roof with Doyoung, and Ten with communication and surveillance. I want you to to put trackers, listening devices, hacking devices, anything undetectable on our hostages too, get that done tonight”

A round of scattered ‘yes sir’ echoed around the room as Suho walked out, Taeyong and Taeil hot on his heels.

Yuta took a deep breath, never letting go of Doyoung’s hand.

“What do I do now?”

.

Yuta squinted as the bright morning sun shone directly into his eyes. He could only recall a vague, blurred memory of the last 24 hours. Nothing but panic, cold metal walls and Doyoung’s touch occasionally.

Beside him stood Taeil, Taeyong and Suho. They all wore the same stone, cold expressions that Yuta wore.

“Remember Yuta, wait for Sicheng to come to us, if you move one step his life is in danger”, Suho leant towards his ear to tell him, Yuta only nodded, unable to form words.

“I have sights on Sicheng,” Doyoung announced through the radio and Yuta felt his heart leap in his chest.

He tightened his grip on his assault rifle, glancing briefly at Suho from the corner of his eye. He hadn’t moved. “We don’t move until we can see him,” Suho mumbled and Yuta nodded slightly. He took a long breath and scanned the scene in front of him, his heart racing in his chest.

The enemy stood opposite them, showing the same cold, offensive front as Yuta and the others did. Several trucks, stolen from the military, stood in between the enemy and their base. Their men stood near them, ready to use the vehicles as cover if needed.

A door opened and two more guards pushed a figure out of the building, a bag over his head. Yuta didn’t need confirmation to know it was Sicheng.

“Taeil get the hostages,” Yuta heard the van door opening and Taeyong helped Taeil get the hostages out of the vehicle. The noise sounded deafening.

The enemies pushed Sicheng towards their leader, yanking the bag off his head harshly.

Yuta felt sick at the sight. Sicheng’s shirt was torn and bloodied, his hands tied behind his back and his head hung low. He staggered on the spot, as if it was difficult to stay on his feet.

Yuta glanced at Suho, the man’s expression had hardened slightly, his jaw tense. He looked directly at the enemy's leader, before ordering the hostages back towards their mafia. The enemy nodded and gave Sicheng a harsh shove forwards, who almost fell on his knees.

Yuta fought the urge to run over to him and carry him back to safety. He watched with baited breath as Sicheng passed the hostages, barely giving them a glance. The tension in the air could be cut with a knife. But he had made it halfway and Yuta felt reassured with every step that Sicheng took. The closer Sicheng got the more blood and bruises Yuta could see on his face.

He held back his emotions, focusing on Suho’s orders. He waited until Sicheng was a few steps away, giving his gun to Taeyong, any sense of anxiety gone at the thought of Sicheng. The need to hold Sicheng close to his chest and never let him go, growing stronger until Sicheng was in his arms.

Yuta tried to ignore Sicheng’s shaky breaths, or how he could feel his heart beating rapidly against his own skin. Taeyong moved to unbind his hands and they quickly found a tight grip on Yuta’s bulletproof vest. Yuta sighed, heart aching as he only pulled Sicheng closer.

“Yuta, get Sicheng in the van,” Yuta nodded and pulled Sicheng gently towards the van, keeping a strong arm around his skinnier frame. His heart sank in his chest as Sicheng clung onto him again once inside the van, hiding his face in the crook of Yuta’s neck.

Moments after, the others got inside the van and started the engine.

Yuta noticed Suho giving Sicheng a long glance, presumably looking for any obvious or serious injuries but thankfully there were none. Suho’s stony expression faded into one of concern and almost guilt. Yuta struggled to find the right words to say so he showed a slight grimace. Both his hands were busy holding Sicheng.

Once Suho realised Yuta was looking at him he nodded in approval. The action made Yuta’s heart soar despite the situation.

Suho had finally approved of his efforts.

Yuta finally felt like he belonged.


	16. Chapter 16

Yuta shivered into the blanket.   
His legs felt numb but he didn’t dare move in case he made Sicheng uncomfortable.   
He glanced at the man in question; he was sitting up against his shoulder and chest, his legs tangled with Yuta’s.   
Taeil had insisted on moving Mark’s radiator closer to their bed now that Mark had moved back into the dorms. Yuta was grateful for the warmth it provided

His gaze fell across Sicheng’s toned chest, bruises and dried blood scattered across his toned skin.   
There was a fresh bandage wrapped securely across his lower ribs. Thankfully they were only bruised.   
Yuta felt Sicheng shift against him. “You’re awake?” he questioned softly.   
Sicheng nodded in response, managing a half smile despite the bruises on his face. Yuta’s hand moved to rest on Sicheng’s bare hipbone.   
His rough, fire-scarred fingers moving gently against Sicheng’s scarred skin. He leant forward to press a soft kiss to Sicheng’s lips.   
“You’re warm,” he mumbled against Yuta’s lips and Yuta refused to move his hand away from him.   
His thumb was gently stroking the now healed scar from the stab wound Sicheng had when they first met. He smiled at the strange memory, remebering how Sicheng’s injury revealed Jaehyun and Doyoung’s names to him.   
“Does anything else hurt?” Yuta asked, his voice barely above a whisper and Sicheng shook his head.   
“Taeil gave me some painkillers for the small injuries,”  
“I wouldn’t call bruised ribs and a concussion small injuries but go on,”  
Sicheng managed a bigger smile, his body hurting too much to laugh and Yuta resumed his wistful thinking. His gaze falling over other various scars.   
“What are you thinking about?” Sicheng murmured and Yuta giggled softly.   
“Our first meeting,”   
“Oh how romantic,”  
“Truly”  
“Hey how did you meet your boyfriend?”  
“Oh, the first time I saw him he was bleeding through a hole in his abdomen and kicked me in the face from pain and I just knew he was the one”  
Sicheng couldn’t hold back his laughter this time and winced from pain. Yuta’s hand moved to the bandage, not quite adding pressure but giving comfort. He pressed another kiss to Sicheng’s forehead as he worked on regulating his breathing.   
Yuta waited for him to calm down before his mind blurted thoughts that had been trapped for a long time. “I don’t mind your scars,”  
“Where did that come from?”   
Yuta sighed, “I don’t care about them. They’re part of you. That’s all,”   
Sicheng nodded in understanding, “Thank you.”  
“Can I- can I show you something?” his breath came out shaky as he mumbled.   
Sicheng nodded, “Sure.”  
Yuta took a deep breath before lifting his arm from behind Sicheng’s head. He slipped off his shirt. The air felt cold on his skin and he felt exposed in a terrifying way.   
Sicheng’s eyes moved over his exposed chest and his scars, “Yuta…”  
“Don’t….pity me. Please. That’s not what I want”  
“I wasn’t going to. I was concerned”  
Yuta nodded, avoiding Sicheng’s gaze and flinching as Sicheng’s cold fingers touched his skin. His hands were moving over the scars on his chest and down his arm.   
“I was ‘hired’, if you like, for a stand alone mission to create a fire but-” He paused, taking a deep breath to calm his nerves, “At the end of the mission me and this other guy, we were waiting to be picked up and he-” He stopped this time, fingers interlocking with Sicheng’s for comfort. “He poured the remaining oil onto my shirt and pushed me into the fire.”   
Yuta let out a breath of relief, finally telling Sicheng his story. But the relief grew into worry once he noticed the dark expression on Sicheng’s face.   
“Don’t worry, Doyoung sorted them out.”  
Sicheng nodded, “Is that when he went,” he lifted one hand to finger quote, “ ‘rogue’ ?”  
Yuta let out a slight laugh from relief in confirmation before continuing. “I took really bad care of them and they got infected too so…” he trailed off.   
“Does anyone else know?”  
“Only Doyoung and Taeil. And that was when I had heatstroke and I was worried that if you saw them you wouldn’t like me and-”  
“Oh yuta-”  
“And I’m not insecure about them, not anymore. I don’t mind them, they will be there forever”  
Sicheng raised his hand and held it against Yuta’s lips to silence him. “You’re rambling.” he took Yuta’s hand in his own, pressing a gentle kiss to the back of his hand. “But I’m glad you’re not ashamed of them, thank you for showing me.”  
Yuta shrugged, “I guess I wanted you to know about them before we, uh, do it,” he felt himself blushing at the topic again. But Sicheng only nodded, never judging. He settled with his back against Yuta’s bare chest, hands holding Yuta’s.   
“You’re still warm,”  
“Is that bad?”  
“No it’s nice,”  
They both fell silent, Sicheng pulling Yuta’s hands around his waist and interlocking them after pressing more kisses to Yuta’s skin.   
After a while Yuta spoke again.   
“I think I’m in love with you”  
Sicheng didn’t respond, giving Yuta time to expand with no judgement so he continued.   
“I’ve never felt so afraid and lost when I heard you were in danger and I feel like everything will be okay when I’m with you. Even with Doyoung I feel safe and reassured but with you I feel-,” he paused, looking for the right word, “Happy? I don’t know, it’s still new but that’s how I feel.   
Sicheng gripped his hands tighter, “I could kiss you but it would hurt,’ both of them giggled and he waited, “but I’m glad that’s how I make you feel.”


	17. Chapter 17

Two weeks later

Yuta sighed to himself as he walked down the empty corridors of the expensive building.   
He wondered if in another life he would’ve been working in one of these, in a smart business suit attending expensive parties and returning home to someone.   
It was nighttime and the city lights lit up the shadow of the corridor with a slight glow. His footsteps were the only noise in the silence.   
He paused to admire the view of tall, dark buildings dressed in neon lights and ads.   
There was always a breathless beauty he found in the city at night. 

When he found the room furthest from the stairs he reached into his backpack, unzipping it and reaching for a small stack of newspapers. He placed it on the velvet couch along with a handful of rags.   
First he covered both them and the couch in oil, then made a trail to the heavy curtains along the windows before setting it alight.  
He fixed his gas mask around his face, grateful for the eye protection as his eyes had begun to sting and water. He waited for the fire to grow decently wide and smokey before he ripped the fire extinguisher off the wall and broke the handle mechanism, rendering it useless.   
“Hendery, Cameras” he spoke into his ear piece.  
“Hold on,”  
Yuta waited with baited breath, listening to the shrill fire alarm.  
“Ok it’s clear.”  
Yuta walked quickly yet confidently down the corridor. There was no need to hide himself from the cameras. They had been disabled. So had the sprinkler to avoid putting out the fire.   
“Jung and Winwin are in the building, Woo, make your way out.'' Taeil's voice was firm and Yuta could hear the concentration in it.   
He dashed up the stairs, keeping a calm face as people rushed past him. Soon he was at the top of the building, the fire alarm fading into the background.   
He pushed the doors open onto the top floor of the building, revealing a large hall with floor to ceiling windows. It had beautiful marble floors and a small fountain in the centre. Dinner tables lay abandoned, meals half finished.   
He walked towards the two figures in the middle. Jaehyun and Winwin were covered in similar black uniforms to him except for the harnesses around their waists.   
He pulled Winwin closer to him by the rope still attached to his harness and pressed a quick kiss to his lps.   
“10 minutes to finish the mission,” Taeil’s voice reminded them and Yuta grinned at Sicheng before rushing off. His heart pounded in his chest from anticipation.   
Briefly he glanced at the expensive decoration lining the walls of the hall.   
It was a shame he had to burn the building, but there was something beautiful about destruction. 

Ten minutes later and he was stood on the glass balcony. The wind was cold against his face and ruffled his hair.   
The smell of gasoline and smoke was thick in the air.  
He had discarded some of his gear in the beginning of the mission. It was coated with gasoline and felt restricting against his skin. It would get destroyed in the fire anyway.   
The lights of the city twinkled like stars in the sky. Soon the sky would be lit with flames. 

Movement from the left caught his eye and he noticed one of the cranes near the building start to move. Its giant arm extended between the skyscrapers.   
The noise of the machine like a giant awoken from slumber.   
He sighed, feeling anticipation like electricity in his lungs. The mission was working.  
“Jung is secure,” Taeil announced and Yuta nodded to himself.   
Now he had to wait for Sicheng.   
The arm of the crane swung over, the hook empty but still menacing, yet there was no sign of Sicheng. He sighed as it grew closer, now metres away. He had ever seen a crane so close before and he was surprised at how large the arm really was.   
“WinWin, are you there?” he asked over the radio.  
Silence met his question, only the wind howling and the groan of the crane responded to him.   
He ignored the ice cold fear that flooded his stomach and bones.   
“Winwin, report, what’s your status?'' Taeil commanded and Yuta stood with baited breath. The cold wind blew against his skin until he felt goosebumps form on his neck and arms.  
A door behind him slammed and he flinched. Turning around, he saw a grinning Sicheng rushing out.   
Yuta relaxed, not realising how tense he was as warm relief flooded through him.   
“I’ve got him,” he clarified. Sicheng stopped next to him, cupping his jaw and pressing a chaste kiss to his lips  
“Earpiece broke, sorry.”  
Yuta shook his head, grinning.   
The crane came to a stop just above their heads.   
“You first,”, he gestured at the crane and Sicheng nodded, jumping and pulling himself onto the platform. Yuta followed, his legs shaking as he glanced down . The cars looked as small as ants, the people were tiny moving dots.  
He took a deep breath and tried not to look down.   
It was a smart idea and the crane arm created a temporary bridge for them to escape.  
He followed Sicheng across the bridge. Hating the hollow sounds his boots made against the metal. Hating how the arm shook ever so slightly, but soon enough they were at the other side, jumping off onto the roof of the building.   
The lights on this side of the building were off and they were bathed in darkness.   
Sicheng waited for him to catch up before heading off again, but Yuta grabbed his wrist to stop him.   
“Wait,” was his simple breathless reply to a question Sicheng hadn’t yet asked.   
They waited in the dark. Yuta’s hand holding Sicheng’s as the wind swept across their skin.   
The target building which they had just escaped from, exploded.   
The glass roof exploded outwards into red flame. The pieces of glass reflecting the fire as they fell to the ground.   
“Wow,” Sicheng breathed as Yuta grinned, watching his reaction. His gaze moved to Yuta and Yuta’s breath caught in his throat. Never did he think he’d find a man as beautiful as Sicheng.  
He felt his cheeks heat up and his heartbeat quicken as Sicheng gazed at his lips, desire in his eyes. Within moments he felt Sicheng’s cold hands under his jaw, closing the gap between them and kissing him like it was the last time.   
He sighed into the kiss, resting his hands on Sicheng’s neck and shoulders. Pulling him impossibly closer because he never felt close enough.   
His hand tangled with Sicheng’s windswept hair, tugging lightly as he got lost in the feeling of the kiss. Sicheng let out a soft groan against Yuta’s lips, sparking a feeling in Yuta that he hadn’t felt for someone before. He parted from him, mind filing with the want to draw every small sound and noise from Sicheng that he could.   
He opened his eyes to see Sicheng had the same dazed look on his face.   
He licked his lips, “You know this is a hotel right?”  
Yuta stalled, waiting for Sicheng to clarify his intentions.  
“If you want, we could…” he trailed off, raising his eyebrow suggestively, “Finish this off?”  
Yuta considered it for a moment before nodding, “Ok”  
Sicheng grinned, caressing his cheek lovingly.   
“Hey guys, really, are you really gonna-” Ten’s voice echoed through Yuta's earpiece but he couldn’t hear what he had to say once Sicheng tugged it out, dropping it on the roof before grabbing his hand and leading him into the hotel through the roof door.   
Yuta couldn’t care less.


	18. Chapter 18

Yuta glanced around the hotel room sleepily, sinking into the comfortable bed. It was softer than anything he could’ve hoped for back at the bunker. The morning sun bathed the wall opposite him in its golden rays and Sicheng’s head lay in the crook of his neck. The top of his hair brushing against Yuta’s cheek as he slept. Yuta smiled, resting his hands against Sicheng’s warm skin. His mind wandered back to last night's events and he felt his cheeks heat up at the memory. Yuta felt Sicheng shift, before he sat up and yawned. He gazed at Yuta though sleepy, through half closed eyes.   
Yuta’s mind blanked, forgetting how to speak. Desperately, he tried to think of something cute or romantic but only the cringiest and most horrific words came to mind.   
Eventually he settled for a quiet, “Hey”  
Sicheng smiled and kissed him gently, his hand resting against Yuta’s neck, “Hey”  
He moved his hand through his messy hair in a brief attempt to fix it, “What’s the time?” he mumbled.   
Yuta glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table, “9.05”  
Sicheng cursed in surprise and ripped the blanket off him, untangling his limbs from Yuta’s. He swung his legs over the side of the bed and grabbed his trousers off the floor.   
“What are you doing?” Yuta grabbing the blanket defensively as the cold air hit his bare legs.   
Sicheng stood up, buckling his belt as he faced Yuta. The marks from last night lay on full display along Sicheng’s tanned skin and Yuta blushed violently from the memory.   
“We need to go,” he said urgently before picking up a shirt from the carpeted floor. Yuta didn’t have the heart to tell Sicheng that he had picked up his shirt. He sighed and pulled on his trousers, still unclear what Sicheng was talking about but he felt awkward being the only almost naked one.   
“Why such a hurry?” Yuta asked, pulling on Sicheng’s shirt.  
“We need to go back to the base and pack for-” he hesitated, avoiding Yuta’s eyes.   
Yuta took a deep breath, “Pack for what?” he said carefully. He couldn’t help feeling that there was something Sicheng wasn’t telling him.   
“They’re sending us to China to form the chinese branch with Lay” he avoided Yuta’s eyes.   
“Today?”  
“Tonight.”  
Yuta crossed his arms, hurt and anger flaring in his chest. He couldn’t look at Sicheng, feeling too betrayed. He sat down on the bed and started tying his shoelaces. His fingers stung with how tight he was gripping them.   
“Yuta I-”  
“So we fuck then you fuck off to China?!” He couldn’t hide the anger in his voice.  
His jaw ached with how hard he was clenching it. Sicheng kept his mouth shut as Yuta shoved his belongings in his pockets.   
“How long have you known?” he asked, not bothering to look at him.   
“Literally the day before yesterday’s mission. I didn’t have time to tell you. They’re sending all of us there, I knew it would be after my last mission but my cover got blown and plans were changed,” he was begging for Yuta to understand.   
Yuta nodded, trying to calm his raging anger. Sicheng didn’t have a choice.   
“It’s just-”  
“Unfair, I know” Sicheng moved closer, holding Yuta’s hands.Yuta let out a loud sigh, resting his forehead against Sicheng’s chest. “And I promise you last night wasn’t just a one night stand.”  
Yuta nodded, pressing a kiss to Sicheng’s cheek. “We should go then,”

.

Yuta sat on the edge of his bed, staring blankly at Doyoung’s bunk.   
He couldn’t help the anxious, empty feeling that built up in his chest.   
The door opened softly and he glanced up to see Sicheng. He was wearing the same solemn expression.   
“Hey,” he mumbled and Yuta nodded, his voice not reaching his lips.   
“Suho said we have 5 minutes to say bye,” he mumbled, coming to sit next to Yuta. Yuta nodded, still avoiding his gaze. Sicheng grabbed his hand and pulled yuta into his embrace and Yuta didn’t resist. Sicheng kissed his hair and ran his fingers through the soft strands. Yuta held back tears, he’d miss Sicheng’s romantic gestures.  
“I don't want you to leave,” he whispered, his chest constricting.   
“I know, it's not fair, I know,”  
“Do you have to go?”  
“Yes, the big boss wants us to.”  
Yuta fell silent, burying his face into Sicheng’s neck, trying to remember his scent, to remember what it felt like to be in his arms.   
“I’ve left a couple hoodies in your bed,”, he said with a slight laugh but Yuta struggled to laugh back. He sighed into Sicheng’s skin, finding comfort in his warmth. He trailed soft kisses up his neck before holding Sicheng’s neck in place and sucking a dark mark just under his jaw. The way Sicheng’s breath paused and his grip on Yuta’s hand tightened sent Yuta’s mind reeling. He wanted to do so much more to him, spend more time with him. It felt like he had just got Sicheng and now he was being ripped away from him. He pressed a softer kiss to the hickey that he left. He let the fabric of Sicheng’s shirt absorb a tear before finally looking at him properly. He refused to cry about it.   
“So the others know you’re mine,” he smirked, explaining the hickey and Sicheng blushed.   
“I’ll always be loyal to you, I love you,”  
Yuta kissed him, “Love you too”, he mumbled, nose brushing against Sicheng’s cheek.   
They sat in silence for a bit, basking in each other’s company. Sicheng broke the silence, “I got you something.”  
He pulled away and reached into his hoodie pocket to reveal a bracelet. At closer inspection Yuta realized there was a flame pendant sitting on the leather of the bracelet. Either side sat his and Sicheng’s initials. He grinned, unsure of what to say. He opted for kissing sicheng again.   
“I’m never taking this off.”  
Sicheng smiled, “I'm glad you liked it”  
There was a knock on the door, “We’re leaving now,” came Ten’s voice and Yuta felt the same numb anxiousness. Sicheng sighed, kissing the top of his head,   
“Take care of yourself,” he murmured,   
“You too,” Yuta replied, tears threatening to fall  
“I’ll talk to you every day, unless I’m on a mission obviously,”  
Yuta nodded, “Just-” he sighed, ” Stay alive, please?”  
Sicheng nodded understandingly and kissed him again, “I promise”


	19. Chapter 19

Yuta sighed in frustration as he watched his pixelated character die on the screen once more, Mark cried out in victory beside him.   
Yuta sank back against the sofa, scooping up a handful of m&ms from the bowl on the coffee table. He crunched on them mournfully as he watched Mark take out more video games from the box.   
He briefly remembered Taeil explaining that it was good for his recovery, it would train muscle memory and cognitive functions. Something like that. He had to admit Mark’s reactions did seem slower and he did take longer to answer big questions. But otherwise he seemed like normal Mark.   
The door opened and both Mark and Yuta turned to see who had entered.  
Yuta’s heart dropped as he recognised Jungwoo’s recently dyed, bright orange hair. His wide eyes met theirs and he stood awkwardly in the doorway. Yuta could only hear his heart pounding and the sound of his character dying again.   
After a long silence Jungwoo cleared his throat, “Can I play with you?” his voice was softer and quieter than Yuta imagined.   
He always seemed more shy and meek than the others, admittedly Yuta had never heard him speak directly to him.  
Mark scrambled to the box under the coffee table, “Uh, yeah, sure,” he reached for a spare controller and connected it to the console, “Here.” He held the controller awkwardly in the air, pressing himself against Yuta to make space for Jungwoo.   
Yuta gripped the controller tightly between his hands. He could feel the warmth from Mark’s body pressing up against him, making him feel uncomfortably hot. He focused on his character, his eyes felt dry and the pixels blurred into a mess of colours in front of him. He barely registered his character dying before Mark spoke again, making him flinch.   
“I’m gonna get some snacks,”   
Yuta sent a panicked look to Mark as he left the room. His chest felt tight and the controller felt heavy in his hand.   
He refused to look at Jungwoo.   
He felt Jungwoo shift, saw him fiddling with his hands. Yuta’s heat pounded, begging Jungwoo not to say anything.   
“I know you didn’t do it on purpose,”  
Yuta closed his eyes, willing himself to breathe, wishing Sicheng was here. Of course he didn’t do it on purpose.   
“Taeil said he didn’t know about the gas leak, which is true. We called them first thing in the morning…” he trailed off and Yuta dug his nails into his palm.   
“Can you tell me what happened?”  
Yuta opened his eyes in shock and confusion, he looked at Jungwoo. Surprised at the lack of anger in his face,   
“What- what do you mean?”  
Jungwoo looked away, also avoiding Yuta’s gaze and Yuta hoped he wasn’t scared of him.  
“Like..” he thought for a moment, “Can you tell me what you did, or how?”  
Yuta nodded, fixing his gaze onto the cold, bare floor. Only now did he notice the scratch marks from various equipment that had been moved around.   
“It was an abandoned house,” he hesitated, “It always is or we evacuate the people. I’d never hurt someone innocent” he sighed tears filling his vision and he blinked them back as he thought of his steps.  
“First I padded the walls with inflammable boards then we disconnected any wires or foliage connecting it to other houses. We also put small explosives on the main supports. It was more for show than destruction. It was meant to be a distraction”  
He took a deep breath, feeling Jungwoo’s gaze burning into him.   
“I lit a cigarette and dropped it into an oil trail that would light the house, the smoke would trigger the explosives and the rubble would choke out any big fire,”  
He closed his eyes, regretting it as the explosion of both houses replayed on his eyelids. He could almost feel the heat on his face, almost hear the screams.   
“I only noticed the gas company’s van after it was lit, there must’ve been 30 seconds before detonation there was nothing I could do,”  
He stopped, a single tear falling down his cheek as his throat closed up, refusing any more words.   
“I’m sorry,” he gasped, hiding his face from Jungwoo, “Fuck, I’m so sorry Jungwoo.”  
He couldn’t control his sobs now. He felt the sofa shift and Jungwoo’s warmth draw closer. He pulled back slightly as he felt Jungwoo’s gentle hand rest on his back.   
“It was an accident, it’s ok,” he reassured and Yuta shook his head, falling into Jungwoo’s embrace.   
“I’m sorry,”  
“Yuta, it’s ok. I forgive you. It was an accident”  
He nodded, trying to steady his breathing as Jungwoo reassured him.  
“This is my family now, I don’t want anything to come between us”  
Yuta nodded, holding Jungwoo’s hand tightly,   
“Thank you”


	20. Chapter 20

Yuta’s back hit the wall of the van as it shifted violently.   
His bullet proof vest absorbed the impact but it felt tight, almost suffocating around Yuta’s chest.   
The weather had started to look better. The sky was brighter and the cold had begun to leave. A warm humidity starting to replace it.   
He sighed and looked at his hands. They were shaking.   
He clenched his hands around his knees to hide it.   
He didn’t miss Sicheng, he had to keep telling himself that.   
It was fine.   
“5 minutes until the destination,” Taeil’s voice brought him out of his thoughts. His long hair fell into his face and he brushed it out of the way unsuccessfully. He had given up on caring about his appearance.   
“Here” Taeil offered him a hair tie and Yuta took it. He briefly wondered why Taeil had it but he couldn’t be bothered to ask.   
Hastily he tied up his hair, only now realising how long it had gotten. He managed to tie most of it into a short ponytail, although his fringe remained. Briefly he considered getting a haircut or at least trimming it in at the bathroom after the mission. The thought quickly fled his mind.

The van stopped, forcing Yuta to focus on the mission.   
He followed Jaehyun into the sunlight, squinting from the sudden brightness.   
Panic gripped his heart like an iron fist as he realised he didn’t know what they were doing. Desperately he raked his memory for the orders but they were gone.   
It was too late to ask any of them, and Taeil would have his head.   
He sighed and continued to follow Jaehyun, hoping he would give Yuta some orders.   
They stopped behind an abandoned car park, pressing themselves to the wall as Jaehyun glanced round the corner.   
“Yuta take the left,” Jaehyun murmured and Yuta nodded. He dashed around the corner and rushed to crouch behind an oil barrel. He scanned the scene, they had 5 possible exits, one way for the van and the enemy opposite them.  
He gazed at the men opposing them through the scope of his rifle. It was less precise than the sniper he was used to and he had to squint to see their faces clearly.   
His heart leapt in his chest as he settled on a familiar face, waves of panic crashing over him.  
He stared at the man intently before realising he was wrong. Relief rushing through him. He swore he had seen Sicheng for a moment.   
He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He was fine without Sicheng.   
He had to focus.  
He tuned back into the scene, watching as Jungwoo and Johnny talked to the dealers.   
He couldn’t remember seeing them walk in front of him. Movement caught his eye and Yuta focused on a man on the opposing side as he reached into his jacket.   
He pulled the trigger, not thinking twice as the man fell backwards from the fatal shot.   
Gunshots rang out, both sides firing at each other. Yuta stayed put, eliminating threats until Taeil confirmed Johnny and Jungwoo were safe in the van.   
He made eye contact with Jaehyun, following him down a narrow alleyway as gunshots and tyre screeches faded into the distance .   
“What happened there?” Jaehyun asked breathlessly from the sudden action. Yuta shrugged.   
The van pulled up in front of them and they jumped in without a word. 

.

Yuta stared at the kitchen table, heart pounding in his chest.   
It was hours since the mission but the adrenaline was still rushing in his veins.   
Everyone that he been on the mission with sat around him, Taeil and Taeyong at the head of the table.   
“Ok then, if no one’s going to own up to it,” Taeil huffed, voice dripping with anger.   
Yuta refused to look up at him, or any of them. Afraid that they would see the guilt in his eyes.   
“The mission was a success but Johnny and Jungwoo were put in immediate danger, what if it failed? What if they got hurt?” Taeil continued and Taeyang gave him a look, silently saying that he had said enough.   
“We give you orders for a reason,” Taeyong’s voice was quieter and calmer by comparison but it was obvious he was at least frustrated.   
Taeil stood up, the chair scraping against the floor harshly, “Whatever, I’m going to bed.”   
The atmosphere turned awkward and Yuta glanced at the clock on the wall. It was past dinner time, he assumed they wouldn’t be getting dinner.   
He could feel Taeyong’s gaze settle on him, then the other members.   
“Get some rest.”

.

“I know it was you.”  
Yuta flinched, looking up from his phone to Doyoung on the opposite bed.   
Panic surged through him again. He thought he was safe.  
He glanced at the door, as if expecting to see someone eavesdropping, “What?”  
“I know you shot first,” Doyoung continued, his intense gaze never leaving Yuta.   
“I-”  
“I was watching you, you’re more distracted, you don’t listen to instructions properly.”  
He couldn't avoid Doyoung’s gaze. It wasn’t exactly scolding but forcing him to tell the truth.   
“I saw one of them reach for a gun in his jacket-”, he tried to explain but Doyoung cut him off.   
“What were Taeil’s orders?”  
Yuta was about to answer but his mind blanked, the memory absent.   
“I thought so.” he sighed, turning away from Yuta and switching the light off.   
“Doyoung-”  
“I won’t tell them its you. But you’re distracted. I hope this isn’t about Sicheng-”  
“It's not.” Yuta said defiantly  
“Then it shouldn’t happen again”


	21. Chapter 21

Yuta sighed, trying to calm the anticipation inside of him.   
He knew he needed sleep for the mission tomorrow but it wasn’t working.  
He rolled over onto his side, peering into the darkness. His gaze rested on the handle of the door. His heart jumped in his chest as he watched the handle move as if someone was trying to open the door from the other side.   
The door squeaked quietly as it began to open, the hallway light shining a streak of yellow into the dark room. He covered his mouth with his hand, feeling himself tremble as he saw a silhouette in the doorway. He reached to turn on the bedside light, grabbing the heavy flashlight from the floor to use as a weapon.   
He sprung from his bed, ready to swing at the attacker when he recognised the person.   
He lowered his weapon, cursing. “I swear to god I thought you were an intruder or something!”  
Mark giggled quietly, “Sorry Hyung.”  
Yuta paused, noticing how Mark’s shirt seemed slightly damp, how he trembled in the hallway light. The fresh tear tracks on his cheeks were obvious.   
“What’s wrong?” he asked gently.   
“I- can I sleep with you?” Mark mumbled, avoiding Yuta’s gaze, “I had a nightmare.”  
Yuta nodded, “Sure.”   
He closed the door and lay back on his bed, drawing back the duvet and making space for Mark. Mark lay in the space awkwardly.   
“Is this ok?” Yuta asked, worried Mark didn’t have enough space in the already small bed. He wasn’t sure how Mark was comfortable laying on the very edge of the bed.   
“Yeah,” he paused before taking a loud breath, “Actually...can you uh, hold me? Please?”  
His voice came out shy and quiet, almost embarrassed. “It just means you can wake me if I get another one...” he rambled out and Yuta was certain it was an excuse for what Mark really wanted.   
He shuffled closer to Mark without a word, not wanting to make him feel uncomfortable. He pressed his chest to Mark’s back, resting an awkward arm over Mark’s waist. “Is this better?”   
He felt Mark nodd, “Thanks.”   
Yuta smiled through the darkness, glad Mark couldn’t see him. He wouldn’t admit he enjoyed having Mark in his arms. “Try and get some sleep now.”   
Mark hummed in agreement, yawning and Yuta could feel Mark’s heartbeat slowing down.   
He felt his own body begin to relax, his eyes closing as his mind faded into unconsciousness.  
Just before he fell asleep, he felt Mark grab his hand and interlock his fingers with his own.   
.  
When Yuta woke, he was alone.  
He sighed and trudged to the bathroom, splashing cold water on his face.   
He stared at his reflection. His hair had gotten too long, and hung in his face like an emo anime character. He sighed and remembered the hair tie Taeil gave him, still around his wrist.   
He tied his hair back and walked back to his room, changing into simple black clothes for the mission. 

His watch read 10 minutes to 3. He was early but he didn’t care.   
The walls were barren and cold as usual, but he found a comfortable familiarity in them as he walked briskly to the locker room. It took less than a few minutes for him to put all his gear on.   
He glanced around the empty locker room, reminiscing in the times he had loitered with Sicheng. The time before he had made up with Jungwoo. That must’ve been two? Three months ago?   
Yuta wasn’t sure. He had lost a sense of time, only the weather and missions giving him guidance but the days had blurred together. He wondered what Sicheng was doing now. He wondered if he was okay, if he missed him.   
Yuta slammed the locker door shut, he couldn't think about Sicheng.   
He had to stay focused, especially after the last time. 

.

Yuta stared at the wall in front of him. The mission had taken longer than expected, and the sun had set, causing the corridor to seem gloomier than usual.   
He sighed, a heavy tired feeling coming over his body. Like a blanket of lethargy and warmth.   
The door to the med bay opened with a loud squeak. He flinched and looked up to see Jungwoo leaving.   
“Everything ok?” he asked and Jungwoo nodded.   
“I was undercover for a week, Jongin just wants to check for hidden injuries.”  
Yuta paused, the name causing confusion. “Jongin?”  
“Yeah, he stepped in for Kun’s place cuz he’s in China now. Jongin used to be in Exo but now he just helps out at the base.”  
Yuta nodded and kept walking, curiosity almost spiralling out of control. He wanted to know what happened to Exo, how many other ex members were at the base. Was Suho part of it? Any of the members in his team?   
He decided not to ask any more questions.   
“You miss Sicheng, don’t you?” Jungwoo asked, his voice so soft Yuta barely heard what he said.   
“No-” He was ready to deny it.   
“You’re much quieter and closed off, you seem more distracted, you don’t care about your appearance much anymore and your curiosity is gone.”  
Yuta stopped in the corridor, staring at Jungwoo, not sure what to say. He opened his mouth to find the words.   
“He’s your first love, isn’t he?” The nostalgic, almost pitying smile on Jungwoo’s face made Yuta realise that Jungwoo knew what he was talking about, but also that he’d been through something similar. “It’s going to hurt, but you have to remember you are your own person with or without him and your life will continue.”  
Yuta nodded, looking away. “Thanks”   
Jungwoo reached for his hand, rubbing Yuta’s knuckles with his thumb. “We’re here for you, don’t shut us out.”


	22. Chapter 22

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> decriptions of blood/injures/bombs/explosion

Yuta sighed, staring at the dark ceiling.  
Mark clung to him, both arms wrapped around his waist and a leg thrown lazily ontop of Yuta’s. He turned his head to glance at the clock, trying not to disturb Mark.  
“You really love him don’t you?” Doyoung’s voice sounded from the darkness and Yuta would’ve jumped if it wasn’t for Mark.  
He let out a shaky breath, staring at the ceiling.  
“I care about him,” he whispered through the darkness, avoiding Doyoung’s intense gaze.  
He heard Doyoung shift in his bed, “It’s more than that isn’t it?”  
“What do you mean?”  
Doyoung sighed, “Taeil cares about Mark. Taeil would’ve left him to die. He had a head injury and passed out almost immediately. He would’ve bled out within minutes. He could’ve already been dead but you put yourself in more danger to save him.”  
“I’m sure Taeil would’ve done the same-”  
Doyoung cut him off, “No he wouldn’t have. Taeil is effective when working, he doesn’t take chances and he doesn’t let his feelings get in the way.”  
Yuta stay silent, refusing to look at either Doyoung or Mark, but at the skylight in the ceiling.  
The first light of the morning, a deep blue had begun to shine through.  
“He’s self conscious about the scar, you know.” Doyoung begun again.  
“It was Taeil’s idea, half his ear got blown off there weren’t many options.”  
They fell into a sombre silence, Yuta gently stroking Mark’s back as he shifted in his sleep.  
“You should keep your hair long, it looks good.”  
Yuta stalled, confusion growing at Doyoung’s statement, “You never compliment me, what else is it?”  
“Mark likes it, it prevents him feeling like the odd one out.”  
“He told you?”  
“I noticed.”  
“Oh.”  
“He really looks up to you-”  
“Why are you telling me this?” Yuta cut him off, not quite sure what to feel about what Doyoung was saying.  
There was a pause, before Doyoung shifted again, “Your self esteem is shit, you pity yourself because of your past. You think you’re broken or weak or expendable and since Sicheng left you’ve given up.”  
Yuta stared at the ceiling, feeling attacked and vulnerable.  
“You need to know what people really think of you, how much you mean to all of us. Mark is alive because of you. Sicheng started opening up because of you. Jaehyun is in a loving relationship with Taeyong because of you.”  
Yuta sighed, Doyoung had a point but he found it difficult to believe he was credible for all of that. He turned to look at Doyoung. “And what do you think of me?”  
“I think you’re selfless, caring, fiercely loyal to those you love and a great partner. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to be teamed up with”  
“Really?”  
“I promise.”  
There was a small knock on the door and it opened to reveal Jungwoo.  
“Is it time?” Doyoung asked and Jungwoo nodded. Yuta sighed and carefully untangled his body from Mark. He made a sleepy sound but remained unconscious as Jungwoo replaced Yuta. he glanced back at his bed and saw Mark beginning to cling to Jungwoo  
“He’ll be ok.” Doyoung whispered and Yuta nodded, walking into the corridor. He was already changed.  
“It’s just he gets nightmares so much now,” he trailed off and Doyoung nodded in understanding.  
“Taeil said it’s a long lasting side effect.”  
Yuta grimaced, not sure what to say. He felt Doyoung’s eyes linger on him.  
“Thanks, for uh, earlier. And everything, in general.” Yuta stumbled on his words, stuck on how to express his words but Doyoung seemed to understand.  
He smiled gently and pulled Yuta into a hug, which Yuta took full advantage of, Doyoung rarely offered hugs.  
“You mean so much more than you think to us, all of us.”

Yuta held his breath as they entered the building.  
The only lights illuminating the building were the torches fixed onto their weapons and the early morning light. It bathed the building in a deep eery blue that made Yuta feel as if he was underwater.  
He followed Doyoung up the stairs, their footsteps quiet and careful in order to minimize any noise. They reached the landing, Doyoung quickly checking it before nodding to indicate it was safe.  
Yuta took initiative and moved in front of him, starting down one of the corridors. He heard more movement behind him, he guessed it was Jaehun and Johnny heading down the opposite corridor.  
It was the first time he had done one of these missions. An extraction seemed like the most dangerous out of them all.  
“Second floor, left side clear. No sign of hostage, moving upstairs,” Yuta heard Jaehyun’s voice over the radio.  
He remembered to take a breath, the atmosphere deafeningly quiet and still.  
He stepped into a room, quickly surveying it before pausing.  
Something didn’t quite seem right.  
He glanced at Doyoung, sharing the same expression.  
Doyoung’s eyes grew wide in silent realisation, causing Yuta’s heart to pound faster.  
He heard a slight, electronic high pitched wine.  
But it was too late.  
Doyoung grabbed his front, pulling him into the corridor just as the explosion went off.  
It was deafening.  
The heat from the explosion at such an intensity that Yuta’s eyes watered.  
It was over within seconds.  
Yuta tried to sit up, coughing through the smoke but he couldn't hear himself. There was a painful ringing that filled the air as tiny pin pricks of pain started across his skin, on his face, everywhere.  
He couldn’t see Doyoung.  
Panic gripped his heart and he dropped his gun, scrambling on all fours across the rubble on the floor.  
Through the darkness he saw Doyoung’s boot and grabbed it, pulling himself closer to the man.  
He spluttered, the smoke was thicker here but he had to get to Doyoung.  
He tried calling to him, he couldn't hear his own voice.  
Only the ringing.  
Finally he looked up to glance at the man, checking for injuries.  
His heart dropped.  
Doyoung was unconscious, unresponsive. Dark lines littered his face and neck and Yuta watched in horror as blood began to pool out of them, spilling onto his pale skin in the blue morning light. He grabbed Doyoung by the shoulders, trying to wake him up, his own voice falling deaf to his ears.  
His hands came away wet, he could just about see the pigment of dark red.  
He flinched as he felt hands on his back, Jaehyun and Johnny but he couldn’t hear them.  
He could only stare at Doyoung’s pale figure, the dark red colour staining his skin and clothes like a river overflowing. He saw Johnny pick Doyong up gently, his gaze following them like a lost child. He felt Jaehyun’s hand on him, helping him up, guiding him gently down the stairs after Johnny, outside and into the van.  
Taeil had already put the stretcher down and Johnny lay Doyoung’s limp body onto it.  
He watched, frozen as they hurriedly stripped Doyoung of his bullet proof vest as his shirt, revealing more, deeper wounds across his body. Pale skin that was already tainted with the same dark red colour as Yuta’s hands.  
He closed the door to the van, sitting helplessly as Taeil and Jaehyun hovered over Doyoung’s lifeless body. His hearing had started to return, he could hear their voices, although muffled.  
He felt Taeil tug his hand, bringing him closer to Doyoung. Yuta wanted to refuse, but he couldn’t. Instead he followed Taeil’s instructions, pressing a cloth against Doyong’s neck and collarbone, where he couldn’t see the skin anymore, just a sea of dark red.  
He could feel tears rolling down his face.  
He couldn’t lose Doyoung.

Yuta sat outside the med bay, anxiously tapping his foot. He had showered, changed and attended to any minor wounds he had sustained from the explosion. He couldn't rest until he knew Doyoung was ok.  
He heard footsteps approaching and glanced to see Mark coming down the hallway. He offered a friendly smile but Yuta could only return a pained grimace.  
“Hey,” Mark said before sitting down next to him. Yuta didn’t reply, only staring at the door.  
Willing it to open and for Doyoung to walk through. Mark sighed, gripping Yuta’s hand tightly in his own. “He’ll be ok,”  
Yuta shook his head, “It’s my fault.”  
“Yuta-”  
“No it is, I didn’t realize there was a bomb, he pushed me out the way and got hurt instead.”  
“Hyung, I’m pretty sure if Doyoung hadn’t done that you’d be dead. Please shut up.”  
Yuta managed a light chuckle at Mark’s dry humour, he had a point.  
The door swung open and Yuta winced at the loud creak. A new face walked through and despite his good looks, he seemed exhausted. Yuta assumed he was Jongin.  
“Is he alive?”  
The man broke into a charming smile, “Yes, he’s lost a lot of blood but he’ll pull through. Maybe visit him tomorrow? He should be awake then.”  
Yuta nodded in thanks, then bowed briefly as Jongin disappeared behind the door once more.  
“I know you’re worried but he’s ok, try not to overthink about it?”  
Yuta smiled and caved in, “Ok, what’s the plan?”  
Mark grinned, a bright slightly lopsided grin, “Jungwoo bought a new game we could try?” he suggested and Yuta followed him down the corridor


	23. Chapter 23

Yuta sighed, rolling over in his bed. He felt a foot against his thigh and looked up to see Mark.   
He was playing on his phone, the quiet arcade-like sound effects were the only sound in the room.   
“What time is it?” he grumbled and Mark glanced up, rubbing his cold foot against Yuta’s warm thigh.   
Yuta flinched away, mumbling a curse under his breath and Mark grinned.   
“9 am, why? Are you in a hurry?”  
Yuta pulled the blanket closer to him and buried himself into it, “No,” he grumbled.  
“Yes you are!” Mark jumped on top of him, ripping the blanket from Yuta’s grasp and exposing him to the air.   
Yuta hissed. “The fuck?”  
Mark grinned, “We have a surprise for you,” he grabbed Yuta’s arm, dragging him out the bed.   
“What- who’s we?” Yuta protested, trying to get any information from Mark but he was thrown a t-shirt instead.   
He sighed in defeat and pulled a pair of jeans on before tying his hair back and following Mark through the corridor. 

They refused to tell him anything. J  
aehyun staying silent behind the driver's seat, wearing the same grin that also sat on Mark’s face. Mark talked about anything but whatever they had planned.  
Yuta gave up asking.   
The car finally paused, Mark climbing out and moving to Yuta’s side. Yuta glanced out the window, seeing one of the big parks in Seoul.   
The sun was shining brightly and Jaehyun handed him a pair of sunglasses. He sighed and climbed out.   
“You see that tree?” Mark asked, pointing to a rather large tree. It had blossomed and was decorated in beautiful red flowers.   
He shrugged, “Yeah,”   
“Walk towards it and a little past it to your surprise,” he grinned in mischief.   
Yuta stared at him before shaking his head before walking across the park. He got halfway across the green grass before he turned back, seeing the black car drive off. They had just abandoned him. He sighed and continued, slipping his phone into his back pocket. He paused at the tree, taking a moment to glance up at the flowers before starting back on his route.   
He stopped, heart jumping in his chest as he recognised the man. Tears threatened to fall as his heart ached. He broke into a run, not caring that there were other people around until he reached the man, who stood with his arms outstretched.   
Yuta didn’t stop until he was in Sicheng’s arms. Tears fell and he buried his face into Sicheng’s chest, feeling his arms wrap securely around him as he pressed kisses to Yuta’s head.   
When they pulled away, Yuta hastily wiped away his tears, “I missed you.”   
Sicheng grinned, cupping his cheek gently as he gazed at Yuta in adoration.   
“What’s all this?” Yuta mumbled, glancing at the box and blanket laid out on the grass.   
“Picnic, picnic date. Something normal and romantic”  
Yuta couldn't help the laugh that rose in his chest. “Nothing about our life is normal,”  
Sicheng shrugged, “I thought it’d be nice to have a bit of normal for a change.”  
He let Sicheng pull him to sit on the blanket, “Did you plan this with the others?”  
“It was Taeil’s suggestion. He knew that the sudden move would be difficult for you, and Doyoung actually pushed him to ask if something was possible. Yixing and Kun said there was no problem if I wasn’t on any missions. I’ve got a flight back tomorrow.”  
Yuta looked down, feeling guilty, “You didn’t have to-“  
“I wanted to, I’m not doing this because you’re struggling. But because it’s not fair how little time and normality we’ve been given, and anyway we can’t date without having an actual date.”  
Yuta chuckled, “That’s fair.”  
“How long have you had your hair like that?”  
“Since you left, I had a bit of a giving up phase.”  
Sicheng smirked, “You should keep it, it suits you. If you want of course.”  
“I think I will.”

Yuta walked down the corridors, a bounce in his step. Seeing Sicheng had definitely brightened his mood, he would miss him but the ache was hardly noticeable. He pushed open the door to the med bay, nodding at Jongin as he noticed him in the corner of the room sorting the shelves. Doyoung was awake, thankfully. He was eager to see if Doyoung was ok.   
“Hey,”  
Doyoung narrowed his eyes, “You seem awfully happy.”  
Yuta couldn't help grinning, “Thank you, it really helped sort out a lot of things.”  
“What do you mean-”  
“I know what you did.”  
Doyoung smiled knowingly and sat up, “How is he?”  
“Good, he said WayV is very hectic and chaotic but he’s getting along with them. And no serious injuries.”  
Doyoung nodded in satisfaction before narrowing his eyes again.   
“What?”  
“Is that a hickey?”  
Yuta blushed, pulling up the collar of Sicheng’s hoodie, “No….” he trailed off, “Absolutely not.”  
Doyoung smirked.   
“I came to see if you’re okay because I care don’t make fun of me just because I got some and you didn’t”  
“Ok ok I won’t. Since you’re concerned about me aren’t you going to ask?”  
Yuta huffed, “How are you?”  
“Shit,” they burst into laughter, “I feel like a stuffed bear, many stitches, many scars. I’m used to it.”   
“I was really worried,” Yuta confessed, his voice becoming quieter with seriousness. “When it happened you were unconscious and there was blood everywhere I-” he paused, not sure what to say.   
Doyoung grabbed his hand, holding it comfortingly. “I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”  
“I wasn’t. Mark and Jungwoo stopped me from sinking into my pit of wallowing.”  
Doyoung poked his chest harshly, “I told you we care!”  
Yuta giggled, “I’m starting to believe it.”  
“You better.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it's finished!  
> thank you for your support and reading this story I hope you enjoyed it  
> the next part of this series will be Wayv's story  
> stick around for my next fic!


	24. Chapter 24

due to recent problematic events i am uncomfortable writing about multiple nct members and will not be uploading the next parts or the rest of this series


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